My name is Funbi and I share my divorce story in anguish.
I have been married twice. I was widowed before I married the second time.
I met my 1st husband in school. Tobi and I fell in love almost immediately we set eyes on each other. We did almost everything together. He was my rock, my support system.
We were so close that I knew he would propose and I would say yes. He was ahead of me in class but it did not mean anything. He graduated and served in Ilorin. He later got a good job in Ilorin and stayed back. He used to travel to Ibadan just to see me in school. When I was posted to the north for NYSC he still visited me regularly. I loved him so much.
We got married just a few months after I passed out. We had a good home. I got pregnant and had a son. Tobi was elated and bought me my 1st car. Life was good! We had another son a year later. Tobi decided to try another line of business, selling cars. His friend Dapo was in the business and was prospering in it. Tobi and I wanted to build our own home and we thought that extra income would come in handy.
Dapo also attended our university and we were quite friendly with each other. He bought gifts for my sons and was generally loved by them. He was good looking too. Tobi and I often teased him about his single status. On one or two occasions tried to hook him up. I didn’t know Dapo had evil plans.
The saddest day of my life came. That morning Tobi was excited because a new shipment of cars was coming in. Dapo was going to take him there to see how things worked. They would be gone for two days. Tobi kissed me goodbye, if only I had known it would be the last time. The following morning after I had sent the boys to school, there was a knock on my door. Police officers came to inform me of the death of my husband. I collapsed and the next time I opened my eyes I was in the hospital. My neighbour was by my side. I wanted to hear that it had all been a dream but no, my Tobi was gone.
He had been bitten by a snake when he wanted to take a leak as they travelled and had died before getting to the hospital. Dapo came to see me and tried to explain what happened. He promised to be there for me. After the funeral, life went on. I was still very devastated and had become a quiet woman raising two children. Dapo was wonderful. He came almost every week. He brought foodstuff and clothing for the boys. They looked forward to his visits. I relaxed a bit and slowly began to open up to him. I wondered why he still wasn’t married and still teased him about it.
It took about a year and three months for Dapo to ask me out officially. I was not comfortable with it even though my husband’s death had made us quite close. Dapo lived in Lagos and I thought it would be good to start life afresh in a new location where I had no memories. I began to reconsider. I wasn’t in love with him, but I still enjoyed his support and strength. I also felt the boys needed a familiar male influence in their lives as they grew. I spoke with my family and the only person who had a problem with it was my father. Tobi’s parents only needed assurance that they would have access to their grandsons.
Dapo and I had a quiet ceremony. Just close family and friends numbering about fifteen. Dapo had a big house and the boys happily explored. I started feeling uneasy but I dismissed it as nerves. I began to put my life together in this new environment. I started a business, made new friends and took care of my family. Dapo did his best to keep me comfortable and happy. He made money so much and he didn’t hesitate to spend it on me. I still thought of Tobi and I cried when I did.
Few months after our marriage Dapo caught me crying. He asked what the matter was, I couldn’t tell him it was Tobi. He began to tell me how much he loved me. How he wished he had married me first how he had always been jealous of Tobi. I was shocked! He went on about why he stayed single for so long because of me. I began to feel very uneasy. He saw my face and stopped. He left.
I began to wonder if he had a hand in Tobi’s death, but the autopsy said he died from snake venom. That night I could not sleep. I’m not a religious person but I’ve learnt to trust my instincts. I had a dream and in that dream, I saw Tobi. He was angry with me and then his face melted and he began to cry. I woke up crying too. I began to give Dapo some distance. He noticed and one day he asked why I was hurting him. I looked into his eyes and asked boldly what his role was in Tobi’s death. He stepped back, shocked at my audacity. Then he confessed.
Tobi had indeed been bitten by a snake, but he wanted me so badly that he let him die before rushing him to the hospital. He had been feeling guilty about it and is not surprised that I wasn’t warming up to him. For the second time, my life fell apart. I began to hit him. I screamed, I nearly ran mad!
Everything got hazy after that. I divorced him and I currently don’t reside in Nigeria anymore for my peace. My boys are teenagers now and doing well in school. I have no plans to remarry, I hold Tobi in my heart, no room for any other. Dapo could not be prosecuted for lack of evidence but last I heard, he’s a frustrated man now and mentally unstable. Not married!