Hello, I have been reading the stories here and I feel compelled to share mine. I got married rather late; let me give you a background.

My parents were lecturers; I grew up loving to study. We were introduced to books early. I grew up comfortable and full of dreams for the future. My siblings all graduated and started families of their own while I got degree after degree and found myself in an oil servicing company. My job took me all over the world; the pay was good too. I really wanted to start a family as well. I dated one or two men in the past but my drive had proven too strong for them.

I found myself single and really praying for a husband at thirty-seven. I started attending all manner of deliverance churches to help myself. It was in one of such deliverance sessions I met my husband, Chinedu. He was a worker in the church. He seemed nice. Whenever I came for prayers, he would make sure I got the best parking space and make sure I was attended to. He was about four years older than I was.

He asked me out in a space of three months. He worked as a full-time staff of the church. Due to my busy work schedule, I only saw him on service days. We talked mostly on phone. The pastor of the church approved our relationship. Sincerely I didn’t notice some things because I was very comfortable.

My parents did not approve of him. They understood that I was bothered about my age but they felt that if I was a little bit patient, I would meet someone good. I felt my biological clock was ticking so I was rather strong headed about it. With that they let me be. Now, I really should have seen the signs, it was all over. While my own family was respectable and polished, his was rather ghetto. They were loud and entitled. They displayed all these at the wedding. After the ceremony, my husband suggested we moved to my own apartment since it was bigger. I didn’t mind.

My Path to Divorce

My nightmares began so soon after. He always complained of being without cash. He would have a story of how money was stolen from him or how he lost money. I practically gave him money for his mother every month. Our feeding and rent were borne by me as well. I could hardly get him to do anything in the house too. I became stressed out. My friends noticed and kept asking if I was alright. He got violent If I did not give him money. I reported these incidences to our pastor but he gave me a long sermon about endurance in marriage.

At one point his mother and two sisters came to stay in our home. It was hell. They turned my kitchen upside down and made ridiculous demands. My mother in law told my husband to buy his younger brother a car for his business. Of course, my hubby came to me for it. I had gotten pregnant by this time. I needed to carry my child full term and so to avoid issues, I bought a fairly used car for him. His family sang his praises; I was not even mentioned. I had bought a piece of property in my name before marriage and I had told my husband about it. He began to pester me to change the name on the document to include his, and then give to him for safekeeping.

By the time my baby came, I had had enough. I named my daughter Chisom. I knew by this time that I wanted a divorce so I began to plot my escape. My husband only contributed one pack of diapers for our daughter’s birth. His mother arrived for omugwuo and of course, took advantage of the whole situation. My mother also came visiting and that was when she saw my state. She cried and reminded me of how she had warned me against the marriage. She promised to welcome me with open arms if I decided to come back.

When I resumed work, I had a long talk with my manager and encouraged him to transfer me out of that city. He understood and made the arrangements. It took about two months for the transfer to come through. My husband continued to be a pain along with his mother who expected me to pay all her bills and those of all her children as well.

When I broke the news to him, I didn’t tell him where I was being transferred to. I just told him that when I got there I would call. I moved all my valuables one night. Early the next morning I moved with my child. Weeks later he was served divorce papers, he called and pleaded over the phone but I was done.

It’s been six years. I currently reside in the UK, I let Chisom skype with her father once a week under my supervision. My parents were disappointed but we have all moved on. Please before you take that step, make sure you do your homework.Thanks for taking the time to read, and that is my Divorce story

My Comments
several times I have seen lovely, bright women get a bad deal out of marriage out of an anxiety to marry. Under pressure of being behind their mates or being behind in their biological clocks, they allow themselves to be taken advantage of.

The signs are always there. The man or woman doesn’t wake up overnight to become a changed person. If you look closely, you would see the signs. It is better not to start the journey than to embark on a journey that would lead to unhappiness, divorce or even worse.

I agree with her parents. A bit more patience could have resolved the matter. Of course, by the time you are visiting churches and deliverance homes because you are desperate to get married, you have already opened ourself as prey to men who only view you as a meal ticket.

Ross

24 COMMENTS

  1. Marriage is give and take it does not matter which of the gender does the giving. Pray for your husband to bê fit tô provide, for the sake of your Kids if you actually love him. Dont bê selfish. Divorce is not an optiion.

    • My God! Are you actually saying this? She was impatient due to her age, she could have seen the signs if she lingered further before “I do” but that does not now mean that man’s mannerism should be excused.
      “A man that cannot provide for his household has denied the faith and is worse than an infidel”.
      Why is it always “women should pray for a man to change, can’t the man pray for a change in his life too. One hardly hears that the man should pray for his wife but we hear stuff like divorce her, let her go.etc
      That marriage was never hers.
      She was wise to leave early so as to avoid stories that touches the heart.

      “Men should man their post well”
      Shalom!

  2. Wooow women. His mother did not know you were the man paying all the bills. A cheap man does not compliment a man. Why would you change a property you hv and include his name. Would he hv done that. Women should be smart

  3. For the fact that your husband isn’t able to satisfy your needs financially like rents and all having in mind that he’s a full time pastor or maybe because he’s family needs help from you because you can afford it.. You think a divorce is the best answer? What ladies are turning to.. What’s wrong in starting a business for your husband or even sponsoring a church for him if you know it was he’s calling?

  4. Life is too short for we to deny ourselves the kind of happiness we deserve simply because we are married. And I don’t see anything wrong with you divorcing ur husband because main looking at his kind of person I don’t think he deserves a second chance. He never for once loved u instead he just used u due to the fact that u are rich and desperate. But don’t give up on love cos i believe u will find the right one for u, after all every woman deserves to have a Prince Charming. Good luck with life.

  5. If a woman has been jobless for decades no one will hear but if reverse was the case the whole world will hear, now see how you are trying to destroy an innocent child life by depriving her the love of a father…What goes around comes around..So before you take that step..Think twice!

  6. I don’t think divorce is a better option here,you would have try and set up business for him ,help them the little you can.separating the child from his father is not the best since he is not physically abusive

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