How do Divorce’s start? At what point do you know that a divorce would be imminent in a relationship?. The sad this is that 90% of all the problems that would show up in a marriage are actually there well before the couple gets married. Sadly, these signs are ignored by one party or the other. There is sometimes the hope that the issue would go away, sometimes, that the other party would overcome the issue or that one will learn to live with it. Sadly it never happens as can be seen from a number of stories we have published here. Divorce comes with several emotional baggages and leaves a number of people emotionally and in some cases physically scarred for life.

I have been asked severally if divorce is right and I say yes it is sometimes. They ask me what are my best advice to avoid divorce and I say, first of all, look before you leap. It is best to stay unmarried than live in misery. Second, always realise that if two of you are willing, you can always work it out but it takes work. lastly, where you have really tried and it isn’t, working, it is best to both part and remain friends than live miserable lives. This contribution from Titilayo is an apt example fo looking and working on what you see before you leap. I look forward to your views and comments. Cheers.
Ross T.

My name is Titilayo and I want to share my divorce story on this platform. Please be sure the one you want to marry is really emotionally into you.

My husband was introduced to me by an acquaintance that I did business with. I was in my late twenties and I was quite on the lookout for a husband. I had a job while I did business by the side. My friend Tunji introduced me to Kayode on one of our outings together.

Tunji sold phone accessories, I usually bought from him and resold at work. He gave me good discounts and in general, we got along well. I knew his wife too. On one occasion we all went out just to hang out, Tunji, his wife and Kayode. He arranged the outing just to make sure Kayode and I met.

That day Kayode didn’t look too happy. It seemed something had happened to him and his friend was trying to cheer him up. We had a good time and by the end of the evening, Kayode had livened up. Kayode was from a rich family. His parents were the type that would scrutinize you if you visited their children. They preferred if their children were friends with the rich as well. I discovered this the first time I visited them.

My parents were lecturers. We had a fairly good background. My siblings were doing well in their individual fields. Ours was a family that valued education and integrity. No doubt Kayode had checked me out before asking me to be his girlfriend. I agreed because I was looking to settle down soon.

The first day I met his parents they quizzed and scrutinized me. His parents accepted me readily afterwards. They called me their iyawo. Kayode and I had what I would call a basic relationship. He didn’t seem too emotionally attached to me. He was good to me but it felt as though his mind was elsewhere. I asked Tunji if there was something he was hiding but he told me to relax.

After about eight months, Kayode proposed. I must say I was surprised with all the vibes I had been getting from him. I accepted because I truly was in love with him. I pushed my inhibitions aside and prepared to spend the rest of my life with him. The ceremonies went well. It was a grand one; the society top shots were in attendance. Kayode’s parents were particularly in high spirits as they danced and cheered us on. My parents were happy too.

We moved into our home and settled into marital life. I never visited Kayode without informing him while we dated and never stayed more than a night whenever I had to sleep over. So this would all be new to me and I also thought that this would be the time we would get closer. I had a baby boy soon after our first anniversary. We were happy. We had a big naming ceremony as we appreciated God for what he had done. This didn’t bring Kayode close to me. He did what he was supposed to as a man but that affection just wasn’t there.

Our Road To Divorce

I began to suspect he was cheating. I relayed my fears to Tunji and he promised to talk to him. One day I overheard Kayode talking in hush tones. He was talking to another woman, it seemed he was appealing to her. What got my attention is that he called her baby. Kayode had never used that term with me. The best he did was dear or shorten my name Titi to T-girl. I confronted him and he brushed it aside.

He would stay out for days and when he returned he wouldn’t touch me. I knew he was seeing someone else but I just didn’t know the whole story until I bumped into Tunji’s wife at a supermarket and she spilt. I complained about what I was passing through and she sighed and sat me down to tell me some things.

My beloved husband had fallen in love with one girl called Helen who was beneath his parent’s standard. They never accepted her and it devastated him. He had vowed not to get married at all. Helen was forced to move on. Helen’s parents were nobodies and Helen was a struggling businesswoman who depended on Kayode a lot.  I was shocked to hear this. Kayode never told me this story. It seemed they met again and Helen was in a better place now.

I managed to track down Helen. She was even pregnant for my husband by this time. She apologized to me but said they were in love with each other and it wasn’t a mere fling. I nearly fainted in shock. She must have called Kayode after I left because when I got home I met Kayode in a very bad mood. I’ve never seen him so angry before. He nearly hit me and I had to run to the guest room.

The next day he asked me for a divorce. He told me he was in love with Helen. Our marriage was a mistake. He blamed himself, he blamed his family and he apologized saying he would take care of me and our son. I cried and went to his parents. They ranted and raved but this time Kayode did not budge. He said he’d risk being disowned to be with Helen. My world fell apart.

Here I am three years later living alone with my son, wondering what I did wrong to deserve what I got. Kayode helped me get another job elsewhere far from them so I moved. I stopped relating with Tunji because I blamed him for introducing Kayode to me and causing me so much hurt. Thank you for reading.

 

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4 COMMENTS

  1. I made your own kind of mistake too dear. I hope the singles are learning: Look well b4 you leap. There must be an emotional attachment, marriage cannot thrive without it. Age is a number so it is better to wait LONG than to marry WRONG. Even when you are introduced to a partner pls never try to impress the introducer, do your own homework, and be truely in love with each other b4 you say I DO. In the period of courtship if you observe any bad signal that might be a tomorrow problem pls don’t hesitate to take a walk, broken courtship is far better. It is already wrong If the lady is the one loving the most. May God help you all to escape marriage pitfulls.

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