One of the things I have learnt from these Divorce stories is that life is indeed stranger than fiction. It is incredible the things that people go through. Something I have always learnt that people with troubled childhood’s usually would suffer in marriage. Troubled childhoods produce insecure adults. These adults make insecure spouses. Too often, they fall into the hands of a wrong partner who abuses them or preys on their insecurity. I believe that one of the greatest legacies a parent can pass on to a child is self-belief, self-confidence and self-assurance. Once that is instilled in you, it is difficult for someone to take advantage of you. The sad thing about life is that there are people out there who prey on others. The story of Ann today is indeed a sad one. It sounds very unbelievable but it is the truth. We started on Monday to deal with this issues. The issue of looking before you leap and this isn’t any diferrent. Read and then join me with my thoughts and comments. I also wnat to hear your thoughts on this.

My name is Ann; I married a pimp. This is my divorce story.

I wasn’t always a wayward girl. My parents always said negative things about me and my siblings. I was the eldest and so much pressure was on me to do so many things. The first year I wrote JAMB, I failed. My parents made life hell for me. They compared me to my mates who passed at their first sitting. I was in torment with them. My younger ones were not spared. I had to be their comfort.

I was so insecure that I began to seek love and validation from people. I depended on what people said about me to feel good. My self-esteem was at an all-time low. After failing JAMB two more times, I eventually gained admission to study sociology. My parents laughed at me and said I’d end up being a school teacher.

The first time I set out to school was the last time I visited home till I graduated. Every holiday I would either visit a relative or a friend. My parents only sent me money once per semester. I had to find ways of sorting myself out. I began to date almost any guy that was available all he had to say was I was beautiful and I was his. This made me promiscuous. It was in this process I met Mike.

Mike was a party lover and a womanizer. I didn’t care much for that; I had his love and that was all that mattered. He was in his final year when we met. He lived a glamorous life. He had all the gadgets you could ever think of. He also had a car.

I met him at one of those parties students organized. He sat at a VIP corner with other guys and girls. He specifically asked for me and when I got to him, I found him charming. We spent the night together that day. He gave me money the next day and said we’d be seeing later. I had never gotten so much money before. None of my boyfriends gave me such an amount. I began to look forward to his call.

We saw a few times before he graduated and went for his youth service. I was in love with him. He took care of me even while he served. I never thought to ask how he made his money. I assumed his parents were rich.

I managed to graduate along with my classmates after which I went home to prepare for my NYSC. My parents were happy to see me after so long but I was not connected to them emotionally. I Stayed home till I was posted to another state. Mike and I were still seeing each other once in a while. It was not really a defined relationship. We just slept together and he took care of my bills. It amazed me then, two years later when he proposed. I excitedly said yes. I felt my life would get better.

I still did not believe in myself or have a good self-image. I had a job I was doing, the pay was small but I was better than nothing.

Our wedding ceremony was a big one. It was carried in the local papers, we were celebs. After the wedding, I began to see the true character of Mike. He became abusive and for a long time, I couldn’t do anything because I felt I had no choice than to bear. He would drug me and I would sometimes wake up with another man by my side. Mike would then buy me jewellery to pacify me. I got to understand that he was pimping me out. I didn’t do anything about it even though I wasn’t happy.

He still ran his nightclub and did so many illegal things. It was from the club he pimped out several girls and sold drugs. To make matters worse, I tried to have a child but it didn’t happen. I was miserable and attempted to take my life twice. I couldn’t return home as my parents had passed on. my siblings couldn’t help either even though they pitied me.

It was after my second attempt at suicide that I got help. The doctor who treated me was also a pastor. He was an elderly fellow. He made me talk and I told him the story of my life. He prayed with me and urged me to tread easily with my husband. I tried to get closer to God after this but it was hard. Mike’s influence in my life was so strong. God found a way to help me.

Based on a tip-off, Mike’s club was raided and he was arrested. He spent a few months in jail but that was all I needed. I sold some property, moved out of town and then filed for a divorce. I didn’t want anything from Mike I just wanted to be free. I was damaged emotionally and physically. I was directed to a rehabilitation centre by that doctor.

It has been five years since that marriage ended. The first thing I did was work on my self-image. It was hard but I’m a better person now. I work for an NGO that caters for teenagers with drug problems and unwanted pregnancy. It has helped me a lot; even my siblings are happy with the new me.

My thoughts…

Ann was already a bruised soul before she met Mike. As we can see, she was looking for the love and attestations she wanst getting from home and found willing men who took advantage of her. How many people like that have we met in our past or still meet? What did we do to help? While it may seem easy to shrug off that person, people don’t quite understand that the worst injury is the one on the inside that people can’t see. It is easy to deal with physical wounds and illnesses how do you deal with emotional ones?

Like a number of people, it would have been easy for Ann to have known what kind of life Mike was into. Saying that she thought he was from a rich home wasn’t enough. The signs are always there if you look hard enough and ask the right questions. In the world of prostitution, the pimp is usually also the boyfriend. rarely do we see where people also pimp out their wives as Mike did here but that happens. The key thing here is to look before you leap.

Divorce can be avoided in 95% of the cases. It all starts with the beginning of the marriage. You can tell a marriage headed for divorce or disaster from the dating period. Sometimes, people think they have gone too far, invested too much and can’t pull out at that time. What is better, pulling out, suffering a short time of scorn and avoiding divorce or staying put, suffer through and still divorce? People, the key thing is to look before you leap. Where you are uncomfortable, don’t rush or be rushed. Only move when you have settled your heart fluctuations.

please let me know your thoughts. I am quite interested. You can send me your story through Davina davina.r@davinadiaries.com

Ross T.

9 COMMENTS

  1. Ross T, I’m so thrilled by your (opening comment) interdictory write up to Ann’s story. Sometimes you talk like an angel, saying things that are so true… directly touching the heart, thank you. Of course yes, the best legacy parents should give to their kids is self worth/confidence. I m a victim of lack of self worth, I pray God delivers me thoroughly.

  2. its behoves parents to affirm their kids all the time extremely important before they go out to seek it. Its very sad what she had to go through but i thank God she eventually came out and supporting other disadvantages young girls.

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