Yep, another day of my divorce story and yes, we are still on the matter of look before you leap. I heard somewhere that repetition is the law of deep and lasting impression. So far we have heard so much from the ladies and it would seem that women are the only victims of divorce. I think it is because women are more vocal in expressing themselves. It is easier for a woman to pick up the pen and write than for a man. However, today we are taking the Divorce story of Raymond. His story sounds like a cliche but then it is his story and we have seen several like this. Please keep your comments flowing and as usual, I would love to hear your thoughts. Read also my thoughts below.. don’t forget to read other stories from Davina Diaries. You can get them from here and here

My Divorce Story 26, Raymond: I Married A Ghetto Girl

Kudos to the owners of this site. I really enjoy the stories I read here. I feel it’s time to share mine. My name is Raymond and this is my divorce story.

I grew up in a large family where we didn’t lack for love. I was a sheltered kid what you could call ‘Ajebo’

I was the oldest. The responsibility of looking out for my younger ones fell on me. My father died when I was in my twenties and I inherited quite a lot from him. I began to control his businesses while I cared for my siblings. So I became a millionaire quite early. My education equally helped. I was so busy trying to uphold my father’s business that I didn’t have much of a social life. Thankfully my siblings joined me years later and this reduced the stress on me.

Shortly after my siblings joined me in the family business I began to consider settling down.  I became freer to engage in socials. My friends were from rich backgrounds too, I didn’t expect to marry from a lower place. I had been eyeing the daughter of one of our family friends. I tried to woo her but it seemed she was in love with someone else. I wasn’t a drop dead gorgeous man but I definitely had charisma. At this point, I hired the woman that I would later marry and regret as well.

My secretary suddenly announced to me that she was resigning because her husband didn’t like her working late (she could only leave the office after I had daily).  It was a blow because she was very professional and handled her duties well. I asked her to find a replacement within the last two weeks she was to spend with me. She must have spread the word because HR had quite a lot of applications. Well, to cut a long story short we hired Clara who later became my lover and wife.

She was very beautiful. Slender, light skinned and had very dark and long hair. I didn’t think I would date her, for one she was from a lower background than I was. She was like the breadwinner of her family. She was smart though. I guess she had schemed her way in from the very start. She was on a mission. She wielded power I had never seen.

She gently seduced me and before I knew it, we started sleeping together. She was very nice to me. Very patient. I began to think we could actually work out as a couple. My siblings didn’t like her and neither did my mother but they respected my choice. She got pregnant for me before long and we were forced to have a rushed wedding.

My Road to Divorce

She changed as soon as she moved into my house. She became unbearable. She demanded unreasonably from me. I built a new house for her parents within two years of our marriage. She bought expensive jewellery at every opportunity. She never cooked or cleaned rather demanded we kept several maids. Clara began to take interest in the business. She had stopped being my secretary of course; she was like a supervisor of all departments now.

I started spending more time in the family house than at home. I only went home because of our daughter.  She insisted I made her a signatory to our business accounts, but I thank God I didn’t. Then she started asking about my will if I had written one. This was just within five years of marriage.

I began to lose weight and feel depressed I had no peace. She suspected me of cheating and would scream and nag me. She insulted my mother and siblings on several occasions. My mother encouraged me to divorce her. She told me that I should never have married a ghetto person. Clara was a low life and she suspected that she was only in the marriage for the money.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was when I read through her messages and discovered that she had a boyfriend who she was enriching with my money. I quietly ran a DNA test on my daughter, thank God it came out positive. I knew it would only be a matter of time before she left me.

I plotted to catch her red-handed with her man. I eventually did.  She begged and begged but I knew she was pretending because the messages I saw on her phone were too incriminating. She actually loved the man. I filed for divorce and custody of my daughter. With the influence of some of my friends, I succeeded. I wanted primary custody because I didn’t want my daughter growing up in a toxic environment.

I cut my ex off. Whatever she took, was her luck. My daughter stayed with my mother and siblings for a while. I recently remarried and she’s back in my house fully. She’s doing well and speaks to her mother once in a while. My new wife is amazing by the way.

 

 

my thoughts…

Did Clara really suddenly change? Is there anything like marrying out of your background and does it have an effect on Marriage?

It is actually possible that Clara schemed to get into marriage with Raymond. Looking at her background, who wouldn’t want to escape the ghettos and if Raymond was her ticket, why not take it? Raymond had already made a couple of mistakes such as having a relationship with your staff which is a no-no. But outside of that, no matter how someone tries to hide their true nature and character, if you study them enough, you would see.

You can tell from observing them with your family and siblings. You can tell by seeing her relationship with her family members. You can tell from their conversation, from the things they ask for, their desires. A selfish self-centred person doesn’t know how to be anything else other than being selfish or self-centred. You can’t be what you aren’t despite the pretence. It would show up soon. The problem is that we are too carried away with the externals of the individual to look further. We might even find such failings to be cute or at the best annoying in the early stages of a relationship. meanwhile, those are the things that deal a deadly blow in marriage leading to separation and divorce.

As regards marrying beyond or below your station, it comes with risk. Read the discussions and comments in this older Dear Davina to get a glimpse. However, some people know how to pull it off and get away with it. You have to be a really strong person though because of the attendant issues. For example, you have a spouse who never went to university and then you have friends over and you guys are talking about your university or youth corp experience. It is tough for the other party to be in that discussion and not feel intimidated.

I would love to have your thoughts. read more about this in my other column. I have some new material on that from this week.

Cheers

Ross, T.

5 COMMENTS

  1. I have same story with Raymond, my marriage will be 2years in July but I left him barely 8months after and of course without a child. Marrying someone below your status is most times to worse mistake anyone will make but I’m happy you found love again.

  2. My story is almost the same I hope to share some day but the truth is many Africans ignore alot during courtship or dating but until you are the situation then you realise it was a mistake as humans are selfish by nature they do anything for their sole benefit iam happy u found love again Davina how can I get my story to you?

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.