Hi everyone, Thanks for your comments and contributions. So on this edition of My Divorce Story, we are still on the topic of look before you leap. Some people have wondered how it is possible for a woman to be married to a man whose business is shady and she wouldn’t know. We have seen where the wive’s of smugglers, kidnappers, armed robbers have claimed complete innocence at the nature of their husband’s business. Well, today we bring you a divorce story along those lines from Chinelo and we would discuss this after.
I have been reading the divorce stories here and I’m grateful to get this opportunity to share mine.
My name is Chinelo and this is the story of my journey to divorce. I met my husband Nduka at a party. I liked to party a lot and every weekend I was either at a club or at a party. I wasn’t wayward; I only liked to have fun.
I had a job at a courier service company which I got shortly after my OND. My family wasn’t rich but they tried to give us all education till OND at least. My siblings had to get jobs to further their studies and out of the six of us, two succeeded to masters’ level. My two sisters got married after their studies and faced business. I, on the other hand, was not that lucky to get a good job and so could not further immediately even though I had plans.
I was in a relationship when I met Nduka. I actually attended the party with my boyfriend. I had a lot of issues with him. For one, he was quite stingy. He wasn’t rich but I knew he could afford more than he was already spending on me. He also took me for granted a lot. This led to a lot of quarrelling regularly. Anyways we kept at the relationship. I practically had to beg him if I needed anything. He never did anything for me out of love from his initiative. I was seriously considering ending it.
At the party, Nduka and his friends sat at a table. They seemed to be influential because people kept going over to them to greet them. As the party progressed, he came up to me and we danced. I didn’t think it was anything more than a dance. He asked for my name and what I did. I told him. He told me he was a businessman and owned a big supermarket amongst his chain of businesses. He seemed cool but I didn’t think he wanted to date me. I need to mention that my boyfriend got a bit jealous that night.
Imagine my surprise when he showed up at my place of work the following week. He came with snacks which he bought from a fast food place. He said he just dropped by to say hello. No one had ever done that to me or for me, not even my boyfriend. I appreciated his gift and my colleagues were more than happy to share. Three days later he showed up again, with packs of food and drinks. He also gave me money for my transportation which was a whopping lot. I then began to suspect he wanted to date me so I told him I had a boyfriend. He laughed and said he knew but that he only wanted to be friends. Well, it didn’t take long before he won me over with his attention. I broke up with my boyfriend and began to date him.
Nduka was good to me. Loving caring and giving. He promised that I would continue my education. He planned to sponsor me. The first day I visited his home I was in awe of the sheer beauty of the place. It was a lovely seven-bedroom duplex. A home any woman would dream of. I began to see it as my own home. Nduka was a better lover than my ex and I knew I would marry him. He told me he imported electronics and sold cars too. He even took me to his supermarket and told me I’d be in charge as soon as we were married. I was excited.
We got married about nine months after we met. My sisters felt envious that I had married such a rich dude. We had a grand ceremony with newspapers carrying the event. I was excited to move into my mansion. I took over the supermarket as promised. My husband was good to me in every way; it was almost too good to be true.
I never knew I would have to divorce him less than two years after marriage. I got pregnant and had a baby boy. We were ecstatic but shortly after that was when my nightmare happened. There were days when Nduka would tell me he needed to work overnight. He would come in tired the next day and just doze off. He had some friends I had never met who showed up at our son’s naming. I began to sense they were not so innocent.
My Journey to Divorce
One morning my husband came in at about five am with a gunshot wound. I wondered if he had been robbed on his way from work. I asked to call an ambulance but he prevented me. He asked instead that I bring the first aid box and call an old friend of his. It was then I knew that indeed my husband was into something illegal. Hours later police surrounded the house and picked him up.
Their armed robbery operation had gone bad and one of them had been captured after a gun battle with the police. I cried while holding my infant to my chest. I was arrested along with him but later released when they saw that I was innocent. Arms were found in one of the numerous rooms in the house which had been permanently locked. My husband was paraded on national TV. What an embarrassment! I became a laughing stock. I had to move out of that house to my parent’s home.
He was sentenced to twenty-five years in prison for past crimes. Obviously, the police had been trailing him for years. I was disappointed and I asked him why he lied to me for so long. He fired back that I had enjoyed his generosity and it wasn’t my business. I got a divorce five years into his sentence. He’s still there now. I haven’t remarried majorly because I’m scared. Our son is seven years old now. I haven’t taken him to visit his father for some years now. I’m not sure about what it’s going to do to him.
This is my story. Sisters, please investigate that man before marriage.
This is a tough one. It is quite easy to go ahead and blame Chinelo and assume she is lying but that isn’t really the case. I know of several spouses on either side – man or woman, who have no clue of what the other spouse does economically. They accept whatever is told them and carry on. I know guys who have never been their wife’s office and vice versa.
Several women have no clue of the full nature of their husband’s business and usually find themselves helpless when faced with sudden death or mishap.
It is essential that spouses be more supportive of each other and have deeper knowledge of their businesses and work. You would need to draw a fine line between being nosy and being helpful though. Several times, I hear men say things like one should never let their wives know how much money they have because they would be oo demanding. They use this as an excuse to hide their true financial affairs from their wives.
I don’t think this works all the time. A true wife who understands the state of your finances would work with you to grow your finances. It is when she has security issues that she tends to be grabby.