What role does finance play in a divorce? whose responsibility is it to provide? Traditionally, the society we live in, and most societies, has the man as the provider. Before the marriage, the man already knows this role and is expected to play the role. The woman is a helper; meaning that she supplements the man’s effort. When the woman becomes the main provider, there is an abuse of roles and when roles are abused, the stage is set for Divorce. We have taken a couple of My Divorce Story where this abuse led to divorce. I was quite amused by some of the comments. You might want to read the story and the comments. They are quite illustrative. Today’s My Divorce Story deals with the abuse of roles specifically in providing for the family. If the man wants to be a supporter, he should also be ready to take a supportive role in the marriage. You can’t want to be head and not behave as the head. Please read make your comments and contributions. Please if you have your story to share or want to reach me, You can reach me through firstname.lastname@example.org. Cheers
My Divorce Story 29, Thelma: He Was Stingy To A Fault
Hello Ross, T., I have been an avid reader of divorce stories here, so I think it’s time I shared mine even though I hardly comment.
I am Thelma a 35years old tall, beautiful and well-shaped woman with 2kids (I had them both through CS) But you can hardly tell because I take very good care of myself and very much love to cheat nature. I am gainfully employed, I also have an M.sc and I am currently studying for my Doctorate as well. I loved my husband Dapo so much and was very sure we would end up together before our marriage.
We actually started out very small, we had days when we had to almost beg to feed. God blessed us in the end and our hustle paid off. I was indeed grateful for the turn of events in our lives.
But then, it was this same turn of events that made me realise the kind of man I was married to. My husband became very tight-fisted and mean as the years rolled by. Getting him to provide for his family became an uphill task. For him to drop money for the smooth running of the house became a tug of war between us.
Several times, I was forced to eat deep into my savings for funds that my husband should have been the one providing. My salaries went into ensuring there was food in the house and that the kids suffered no form of lack. Truth be told, I was the one shouldering our responsibilities in the early days, due to the fact that I got a job before him after graduation.
Looking back now, I think that was the root cause of our problem. I kind of spoilt him and when it was time for him to man up, he still expected me to carry on with these responsibilities, but I was like… No way! I am done playing “man” in the house especially when he had the means.
When I complained to a few close people, they kind of pinned his attitude on economic recession! But trust me, it had nothing to do with the situation. Then I began to wonder, could this be his real nature? To rub salt to injury, my husband will still want to make love to me at the end of the day, after I have gone to toil my ass out for the family. Like, who does that!
Before long, resentment began to well up in me towards him. I felt so bitter at times that I could hardly feel a thing during our lovemaking. That in itself was unusual, as I used to enjoy the way he makes love to me and I never for once cheated on him both physically or emotionally. He was my first and only.
Our Journey To Divorce
Then, a day came when after so much work and home stress, I fell ill but was so low on funds to go get adequate treatment. I tried self-medication for a little while but to no avail. As I was short on cash, I asked my dear husband to give me money for my treatment, but he refused to give me, claiming he used all he had on him to close a business deal and that I should wait a while to see if someone who was owing him would pay soon.
I was alarmed at the way he treated my health issue with so much triviality. Days later in the course of these, I stumbled on some cash of his and was both surprised and disappointed that my husband had so much but wouldn’t spare any to treat his wife, the mother of his kids. So, I took the cash, all of it and treated myself with it.
Hubby found out and I owned up to taking the cash. He became angry and demanded an immediate refund which I told him I couldn’t do as I had used the money to treat myself. He became livid with anger when I said that and began to insult me. He even pushed me around, then seized my car keys, refused to allow me to go out for that day.
Then he completely stopped dropping money for anything in the house from that day. He also started coming home extremely late and wouldn’t talk to me either. It was at this point it dawned on me that I’ve been married to myself and that this man never really cared about me but was only using me as a means to an end.
I was so depressed and unhappy. I also became withdrawn from the world as in reality, my life had revolved around my husband and kids, I really had no friend. To cut my long story short, I noticed my husband started seeing another woman (but I couldn’t tell how long he had been cheating on me).
That was the height for me. I thought to myself, a man who doesn’t take care of his family but spends heavily on women, of what use is my marriage to him?
Since our kids were attending boarding schools, I concluded that my absence won’t affect them much, so I filed for divorce and my husband who was very surprised refused to grant me, saying it had been my plan all along to leave him and also accused me of cheating. We had a nasty break up but the divorce came through and we both got shared custody of our kids.
It wasn’t long after this that my husband brought in another woman, I guess the lady he’s been seeing before our divorce.
I won’t bore you with details of their union but in the end, the lady wrecked him and packed out of the house after a nasty fight that was taken to a police station as a case of domestic violence. His business is on the verge of parking up as well.
I, on the other hand, I still feel very much lonely, but at peace with myself and happy with taking care of my kids.
Recently my ex-husband has been hinting on us getting back together and is also lobbying key people that we know to beg me.
But guess what, I’m done. I can’t forget those horrible years of being a lone ranger in a marriage meant for two.