I am really not sure of what to make of today’s My Divorce Story. While it isn’t a common occurrence, it has indeed happened more times than necessary. How do you prevent your spouse from having an affair with a family member? would you want to stop family members of the opposite sex from visiting or staying over? This isn’t something you can prevent as it is really up to the integrity of the people in question to refrain.

Would we say that a divorce from something like this is justified? It is difficult to understand the emotional turmoil that this brings on the victim of such betrayals. Where do you start to trust? Whom would you trust? several questions would emerge such as how long has this been going on? who else is aware. So while it might seem easy to ask that the victim forgives and continues with the marriage, it might be necessary to put yourself in the shoes of the victim to understand the depth of this sort of betrayal. Just as the case of Wilson, this is a bit more difficult to understand if you haven’t been there. A matter like this could have been handled adequately with enough counselling. It would have been difficult but not impossible to save the marriage and avoid a divorce. I would love to hear your thoughts.

Please take time and leave your comments in the comment box below. Do you have a divorce story you want to share or do you need some marital advice, please send me a mail at ross.t@davinadiaries.com. Take time out and read some of our awesome articles. Regards
Ross, T.

My Divorce Story 32, Onika: Betrayed By My Sister

When a marriage ends people tend to ask ‘didn’t you know all this before you married him?’  But people change, people pretend. My name is Onika, and this is my divorce story.

My father is Nigerian and my mother Jamaican. I was raised in Jamaica for the first three years of my life and then South Africa until I was twelve before returning finally to Nigeria. I spoke with a different accent from my classmates. I was also quite pretty because of my mixed skin. My sister and I were always singled out at events; teachers loved us and our unique names. So it didn’t take long before men began to pester us for sex.

My parents were not very strict but allowed us to go out often. Our curfew was 8 pm as teenagers while our friends had theirs by 5 pm or 6 pm, so I had quite an adventurous childhood. In one of those adventures, I met Lionel. He was my age and a spoiled rich kid. His parents owned a chain of luxury shops in the city. Shortly after secondary school, we both applied to the same private university.

Even though we were not dating then, we did a lot of things together, like sneaking out of school to parties, trying out hemp and other crazy things youths do. We, along with some friends of ours got into trouble with the school authorities several times.

My parents threatened to disown me and then withdraw me. I begged and promised to turn a new leaf. Lionel, however, was expelled after a particularly bad offence. His parents sent him abroad. I didn’t see him again until years later when I went for my masters. I had become more mature and focused. I was in London for two years so I focused on my studies.

I ran into him at the train station. He still looked really good. We hugged and began to catch up. He was done with his university education and had a part-time job. It felt good to see a childhood friend in an unfamiliar environment. We hit it off from there. I had a job waiting for me in Nigeria and I thought my relocation would end the relationship but he said he would return too. His father’s business needed his hands too. I was so happy.

We got married soon after. I expected nothing but bliss but Lionel showed his true colours soon after. I got pregnant within two months of the marriage. My pregnancy was a difficult one. The doctors advised bed rest at about 6months. My sister was hands on. She would come to the house; spend the night just to assist with a thing or two. Pretty soon she became more regular. She was only three years younger but had a flexible job.

I couldn’t really do much because my blood pressure kept fluctuating. I managed myself until I delivered. I had my daughter via an emergency caesarean session at eight months. While I recuperated in the hospital, my parents would come around and bring things for me. My sister was more or less practically living with me now.

My Journey to Divorce

My marriage went south shortly after I returned from the hospital. I woke up suddenly at night and felt the urge to drink water. I turned to ask my husband to help get it but he wasn’t in bed. I felt he was probably working so I struggled quietly out of bed in order not to wake the baby. I came to the corridor and thought I heard a faint moan coming from the visitor’s room.

I went closer and could clearly hear two people making love I pushed open the door and there they were….my sister and my hubby. Stark naked and at it. I screamed and attacked them but I wasn’t strong enough because I was recovering from my operation.

The very next morning I called another relative to come to pick me and my baby. I haven’t spoken or seen my sister for the past eight years. After I filed for a divorce, I stopped speaking to my husband completely. He begged me to forgive; maybe I would if the other woman was a stranger but my own sister? It’s hard. I hope she’s miserable and suffering wherever she is, I hope she never carries her own child, I hope her husband kills her one day. My parents were disappointed and begged me on my sister’s behalf. As far as I’m concerned she’s not my sister.

I hope I heal, it’s been a long time but I’m still angry. Thanks for letting me share.

16 COMMENTS

  1. The best way to heal is to forgive. No matter how difficult it may seem, but you need to forgive and truly let go of the past.
    I have seen here where her mother got pregnant for her husband during””omugwo”” period.
    Believe me, the daughter is still living with her husband and two kids or so. The mother gave birth to a boy.
    Yes it was hard, hurtful and shameful…….In fact, so many advices and “”if it’s me, I would have….””….
    But forgiveness makes it easier to bear and brings out inner strength .
    Forgive and try to forget.
    Life is too short for animosities..

  2. Your sister and your ex don’t deserve forgiveness but you need to heal, and truly, until you forgive you won’t heal.

    Look at it as a gift to yourself. The man doesn’t deserve you don’t let him keep you through unforgiveness.
    Try to move on and make a better life for yourself.

    It must be difficult but I pray you find happiness again..soon.

  3. Really bad but please forgive, forgive, forgive please and everything else will fall into place. You’ll be happier for it. If its still possible please take your husband back. All men are monsters of various degree.

  4. The way that people preach about forgiveness of a thing baffles me. To forgive, they say is divine. It takes the grace of God to forgive this type of a thing. Well, I’ll say that you should beg God to give you the spirit to forgive them. Thank God that you have moved on. I wish you all the best in life.

  5. Hmmmm…so painful, so hurting, if it another person you don’t know, it a little bit easier but this…..your own sis…..hmmmmm even if she forgives her she will never take her like before…. I pray God will shower his grace upon you, so you could forgive her.

  6. Comment: pls 4give ur sis and ex hubby.it never easy but who are we nt 2 4give.if our maker can 4give our sin daily we have 2 4give 1 another and move on.

  7. To forgive another who hurts you so deeply takes God’s grace so what you need is plenty of God’s grace. But forgive you must not for their sakes as much as it is for your sake. You need to release yourself from that hate.

    You need to.

  8. I understand how you feel, but please do forgive them and move on not because they deserve forgiveness simply to free yourself from bondage of bitterness. It is well with you

  9. Its painful my dear but you have to forgive and move on. Forgive your sister I know she hurt you. Don’t let hatred for her control your life.

  10. I ll say you need to forgive them both. If you don’t, you ll be renting them space in your life and they are not paying for rent. Forgive so you ll heal. I ll also say learn from this for your next partner. You knew the man was not responsible. Love (or lust) won’t change anything. Such are fair weather friends. The moment the partner is incapacitated they can’t cope. With prayer you will get a better person and you will be a better person your self.

  11. It’s not going to be easy.. But u will truly find happiness the moment u forgive both.. U will leave above the world. May God grant u d resilience u need

  12. Your wife sister again…am not surprised hmmmm! The more I tried to figure things out of which am getting more uncomfortable meanwhile forgiveness is still the best and let it go.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.