Dear Ross, I don’t know how to share this, guess I just have to start somewhere….my marriage is dead or has been dead for quite a while now.

Even as much as I’d like not to come off to you as a biased woman, I’ll still say it the way it is…..My husband has damaged me, destroyed me, challenged every reason for my existence……I feel useless, worthless, useless again and extremely sad……The man I married has turned me from that happy lively girl into a sadist, to a bitter person, I chase everyone that comes close and have been terribly depressed……

In the beginning, I thought this was love but I thought wrong…Wale never loved me, I was just convenience…….I loved him greatly though, but love they say isn’t enough to keep the one you love. Well, he cared for me in his own way and I thought yes that was all I needed…till his cheating started or maybe I should say till I noticed because I was too busy loving him and didn’t notice all these till it was too late.

The painful part is my husband cheats and is non-apologetic about it. He rubs it to my face and even blames me for it. Yes, I know you’d ask what part did I have to play in this, but trust me, it had nothing to do with me but the fact that he is just a chronic helpless womanizer who tries desperately to justify his acts.

My name is Tope, I’m a very beautiful girl, neat, hardworking and I do my best to keep my man. On many occasions, my husband has as well admitted that I’m a good wife but I wasn’t enough, neither were all my qualities enough for him…

 

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It all began with my husband being obsessed with his ex and I kept wondering why then did he marry me? Countless times I caught him viewing her pics or chatting with her. He even talks to her about personal stuff like our kids, daughters / child dedication and all that.

Whenever I tell him how disrespectful that is, he’d promise to stop, he’d delete her number and then find another means to get back to her without my knowledge but I always find out anyways.

As for the ex, she enjoys the attention he gives, he makes her feel like yes, she’s still important. See, it got so bad that my husband lost his two phones and borrowed mine one evening to read some online news, only for me to find out later he actually opened a second Facebook account to send her a request and was viewing her pics on FB with my phone! I got to know this through the history on my google chrome.

Dear Ross, if it were just the ex I had to contend with, it wouldn’t have been that bad but she’s not even the only one! There were so many other girls.

I knew when my husband fell in love with someone else….. Yes, he did fall in love with another girl, painful part is that the girl bears the same name with his ex, and was just as slim as the ex, that was the point I got mad.

I was pregnant with our son and hubby was busy falling in love with another lady and he couldn’t even deny it. Do you know I met this new girl… Yes, I arranged a meeting with her and she cried bitterly that day saying she never knew Wale was married and even showed me her phone to prove it.

I politely asked my husband about her and how come he gave the girl exact amount of money I was begging him to give me for my hair. He just stood there staring at me in shock.

When the girl confronted my husband about his marriage, he was enraged with me and was so sad… that was how I knew he must have really liked her.

I was ready to leave at that point because it one thing enduring him cheating but when he’s already in love with someone else then it’s pointless to stay but where would I go to? With an 8months old daughter and another baby on the way.

My religious parents won’t have accepted me, that I know for sure, neither was I financially strong to cater for myself and two infants.

So I took a small bag and went to my husband friend’s house to cool off and then sent him a text with the thought that he would probably not want to lose me and beg me to come back home, but to my shock, Wale replied saying I can as well go and never come back and that he’s stopped loving me, he said so many other unprintable things to me…..that since he met me, things stopped working for him blah blah blah…

I couldn’t deal, I cried and went back to him….I went on my knees with my soul bleeding and burning. My essence, my dignity, my self-worth was lost and so I knelt and begged my cheating husband to accept me back.

After pleading for so long, I began to ask God to end my life because it wasn’t worth it.

You need to see my husband that day, he did not care, he, however, allowed me back into the house though and I told myself I’ll just try so hard to live with him and his nature as a tenant and just avoid him altogether. From then on, I lost the love I had for him. Then came another girl into the picture.

I even begged him to delete her number because I was sure she wasn’t aware he’s married, I told him that I’ll forget whatever he’s done with her if only he just delete her and let’s move on but he vehemently refused and said he has every right to keep female friends and oh, he forcefully made love to me that day, no kissing, no foreplay just animalistic desire to establish dominance and I felt like trash…..

I got the girls number after that day and told her politely that Wale is married, the lady felt bad and promised to stop seeing my husband but he wouldn’t let her be as she told me herself.

He kept chasing after her till one day when she blocked him.

We had just arrived from the east where we both travelled to and the first thing my husband could do was rush down to where his elder brother was and called the girl to know why she blocked him.

I suspected his moves and knew he wanted to make a call, so I called the girl her and phone line had my call waiting, I also called my hubby and got the same thing but after a while, the girl called back screaming that she has warned my husband to leave her alone and I should also leave her too, that we both should let her be.

So I called my husband again and he picked up and lied that he was talking to his mom. I asked him to come see that it was urgent, he came in and the first question I asked him was “Are you heartbroken? Did she break your heart?

He became so defensive and said he knew it was me and said that I’m useless amidst tears and threatened that I’ve not seen anything yet….. I knew my marriage was truly over then. I just couldn’t deal with the shenanigans any longer.

So I worked on myself, especially to stop letting him hurt me that way, I accepted him as a cheat that won’t change… I just wanted to be alone….but how can we still live together without me breaking or hurting myself

We stayed as a couple for a few more years without us touching. I wish I could bring myself to bridging the gap but I couldn’t.
The pain was unbearable, I’ve healed a bit but can’t forget all yet… He slept with me whenever he liked, not caring if I’m in the mood or not knowing the hurt he’s caused me.

Well, I couldn’t care less maybe he’s still cheating or not because I’ve moved my heart from that…I hardly bothered or worry about his late nights etc…I think he was worried also about my attitude later on as I wasn’t crying as much as I used to do.

I tried to give him another chance only to catch him on badoo pricing girls….. So I closed his chapter in my heart and opened my heart to another guy simply because I wanted the distraction but later fell hard for this guy in question who I’ve never met as he’s far away but somehow that made me so comfortable because I’m not ready for any physical contact or affection.

I just need something to keep me from driving off a bridge one day or committing suicide out of depression from a failed marriage.

9 COMMENTS

  1. You are strong….don’t think less of yourself…what you should do now is to get busy and empower yourself so that u can look good and treat yourself and children to whatever u want….it’s better to be separated than depressed

  2. I feel your pain, the best for you though not easy is to be distracted from all his deeds. Sometimes we love so much that it pains so much when that love is not reciprocal.. Being distracted by a male I don’t think is the best for you at this time, cos it’s just like paying him in his own coin, that’s not you, don’t become bad or drop your standard in other to pay back an act. I pray that God will help you get distracted positively and help you forget you husband’s deeds.

  3. Why not work on your self in the area of financial empowerment. Making money gives as much satisfaction as having another man to love.

    Make money and be financially independent. That makes more sense rather than think that another human can satisfy you. Did not hear the Lord say “don’t lean on the arm of flesh… because the arm of flesh will always fail you”. Jeremiah 17:5.

  4. Look for a job n be financially independent. Believe in yourself and the rest u desire will follow.I believe in you because you are strong.

  5. I can feel your pains, you are a strong woman, I would say that you should work on your independent to keep yourself busy, appreciate yourself more,stay away from anything relationships that can dent your image,Move more closer to God, he is the source of life. He will give you true love and joy, Jesus is everything embrace him, instead of dating someone you never seen before read your Bible everyday and allow God to talk to you. Wishing you all the best in life.

  6. I truly feel your pain; my heart is bleeding for you. But please leave him, he is nothing but an animal and a sadist. He doesn’t even love himself nor those women. He is not worth it. He will destroy you more and more. You are special and God loves you, He is only waiting for you to accept His love and comfort. God bless and heal your heart

  7. Pls madam,turn to God for solutions, don’t rub shoulder with him,remember two wrong can never make a right.I believe you are the strong type,empower yourself financially n give yourself to the services of God j humanity, I bet it with you’ve will come back one day on his knees. Be strong.

  8. Thank God you left. It’s better the world laughs at you than to mourn you… Empower yourself and pick up your life.

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