Hi, for a while I haven’t run my comments on the My Divorce Stories because really some of the stories need no comment. The story of today, however, is a bit different. We had started something along these lines earlier when we dealt with abusive relationships.

Why would a man physically abuse his wife? More importantly, why would a woman allow herself to be the subject of physical abuse? There is something a bit pathetic about Desiree’s story that I would like to use is to pass across a key point. Please read other stories in these series here and also join and be a part of the conversation.

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My name is Desiree and this is my divorce story. Kindly publish for me, thanks.

My desire to get married quickly led me to marry a monster. I did see the signs but I went right ahead because of what people would say and all the investments I put in.

I met Joe at a party. Of all my friends that attended the party, I was the only one who was single. So I was under pressure to hook someone. I looked my best and also danced my best. At the end of the party, Joe and I hit off. We exchanged numbers and began to date.

He was not very cultured but he sure had money. He spent lavishly on me. You see, my friends had boyfriends that had money and they never hesitated to show off their new gadgets and stuff. For a while, I felt left out because I had no guy. I had a job though but it not could get me all those fancy things that girls liked.

Joe was from an average home. His parents separated when he was about seven. He said his stepmother maltreated him and his siblings. His mother couldn’t afford to care properly for them so they remained with their father. Perhaps this was what made him the way he was. He had a violent temper and I suffered slaps and beatings from him several times. He bought me a gift for every act of violence.

I was loving to him with the hope that he would change. He remained that way for the years we dated. My friends would hail me for all the things I got from him.

Soon My friends started getting married one after the other. Even though Joe had told me he loved me, he never mentioned marriage. As my friends got married I got more and more pressured. They would call and ask when my aso ebi would be out. Whenever we met at shopping malls, they would gush about their husbands and pregnancy for those who were expecting.

I began to stylishly ask Joe about marriage plans. He shrugged me aside. So I got pregnant. We were forced to do a quick wedding. It was a glamorous wedding even though it was planned within short notice.

I had practically spent most of my time at his place before we wedded so moving in and adjusting was not a problem for me.

Pregnancy didn’t stop him from flying into rages and slapping me. I was doomed to live like that and I accepted it. To make things worse, he added cheating to his resume. He started dating other girls. We fought about it so much. He stopped me from hanging out with friends. I was often home alone. Any time I went shopping I would call my friends so we could meet at the supermarket, there we would talk about everything. They always had new stuff they just got but frankly, I was beginning to get tired. I had everything but no peace. Joe kept threatening to send me packing at the slightest provocation.

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My Road To Divorce

When I had my baby, my mind began to change. I realized I didn’t want her to grow up in that kind of environment. Joe had become as bold as to bringing in other girls to the house and he still abused me verbally and physically. My baby cried all the time.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was when he began to dabble into juju. I overheard him over the phone asking for a potent native doctor. I quietly began to plan my escape. One day I took a few things and drove out of the house. I never returned. He called and threatened but I was over it all.

I moved to another and started life afresh with what I had saved up. I did business and it grew. It was hard at first, giving up the luxuries I  had previously enjoyed but I was determined to. I changed my numbers as well. Only my mother and siblings had my new line.

Now I go about motivating young girls now on living life responsibly. I have no plans to remarry right now, maybe later. As for Joe, I heard he had some other woman living with him.

My Comments.
Desiree allowed herself to become a slave to her desires. Her desire for material things, her desire to be seen as “keeping up” and being in vogue with everyone got above her self-respect and self and she paid for it.

Looking at this story, we didn’t once read of Desiree wanting to get married for the right reasons such as love, companionship etc. Her initial reasons for a relationship was based on the fact that she didn’t want to be left out. She endured the physical abuse of the relationship period because of what she was getting from Joe and only really wanted to marry because everyone else was marrying.

It was very obvious that Joe had no respect for his wife. By the time a man starts to bring women to his matrimonial home while his wife is around, it means that he has absolutely no respect for her and doesn’t care for her feelings.

There are various stages of matrimonial infidelity. The man who does his thing outside the home, the one who brings the women in when his wife isn’t home and the men like Joe who don’t just care.

Why should a woman reduce her self to such? How could a woman reduce herself to such? A woman gets to that level when her husband has “seen her finish”. She is of no worth to him. She isn’t a contributor in any sense but is just a consumer. This is why over and over, I try to tell women not to allow themselves to get to that position where they rely on the husband for just everything. Have a voice, be a contributor. What does he do? Can you help him move forward? Get a job, do a business even when he says no. Let him value you and realise that he has something to lose if you leave.

Ross

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