Hi, welcome to another episode of my divorce story. In some of our previous divorce story episodes, we showed that usually, you would be able to know the end from the beginning in that by watching out for some character traits during the courting period, you can tell how the marriage would be.
However there are some exceptions. I call those exceptions the wolf in sheep’s clothing. People that perfectly hide their personality. They are able to deceive everyone on the outside on their true nature and you would only be able to find out whom they really are if you are deeply involved with them as is the case with Shola here.
I would love to hear your comments and thoughts as usual. They are quite informative and give a different perspective to the issues even for someone with vast experience on this matter like me. Please take time to read our other articles. I am pretty sure you would find something to learn. You can write me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you want too share your story or have any questions for me.
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Hello Davina diaries , I have been following your series on divorce and I mustered courage to pen mine.
My name is Shola and this is what my journey to divorce was like. Let me give you a background of my growing up. I was raised by very religious parents. The girls neither wore jewelry or make up even pants were a taboo. I was very quiet and pious in my teens. You how teenagers are usually out of control; but I was quite calm and responsible.
The first person to pierce her ears was my immediate older sister and even though she tried to hide it, my parents found out. They beat her and called her all manner of names. She was in SS2 then and I was in JSS3. My parents warned me not to be like her.
I was the timid one and tried to please my parents at every point. My only brother was not allowed to wear jeans. On Sunday mornings the only place you’d find us was church. They never accepted any excuse to not attend church.
All this changed when my siblings all got into the university. They gained their freedom but I still remained bound. My eldest sister started perming, fixing weaves and using jewelry. The second girl took it further by wearing jeans, leggings and other ‘scandalous’ outfits. I remained the good girl my parents wanted. After a while my siblings got married one after the other.
I didn’t have any boyfriend for a very long time and I complained to my sisters. They laughed and asked how I could get a boyfriend with my serious looks. After my university education, I got a job in an accounting firm. It was a good job for a start and I buried myself in it.
One day I went to visit my parents and that was how I was introduced to my husband. He was the son of one of their deacons in church and he led the youth church. They sang about how holy and perfect he was. How he was committed to the church and all. When I met Boye, I was quite impressed by his looks. He appeared quiet and gentle.
I thought Boye was the one for me. He seemed to like me. We dated for three months. I must admit our dates were formal and there often long silences in our conversations. We got married after that. My parents were very happy because in their opinion, I did better than my sisters.
I had barely lived with Boye for three months when our problems became unbearable. Firstly, with all of Boye’s quietness, he was a sex freak. He wanted it all the time. I was rather laid back possibly because I lacked experience. We both didn’t talk much and this led to communication issues.
Boye was also very strict with religious activities and he would abuse me if I didn’t show up probably due to work. He made me cut my hair and insisted I wore a suit to church every Sunday. He ensured I changed my phone lines and destroyed my internet enabled phone and replaced it with one that could only call and text.
My self esteem dropped. My ‘wayward’ sisters seemed to be having good marriages so I opened up to them. They spoke to me extensively and I got to know that my lifestyle had never been balanced and that why I had issues.
My Journey to Divorce
I tried to work things out but Boye and I were not just on the same page on everything. To make matters worse I discovered that Boye was neck deep in porn. He had several videos stored on his laptop. I stumbled upon them by accident. I was shocked that a youth leader even had such. I confronted him and for the first time he hit me.
He then told me that he had been getting good sex from someone else and that I was only useful for keeping up a good front in church. I was devastated and I knew then that my marriage was over.
I moved out after a few weeks. He came begging with his people but I refused because I knew that it wasn’t going to get better. I discovered I was pregnant much later. I had my baby alone. He came around to see her and brought gifts, that was it.
Here I am with a five year old, divorced while my sisters who were disobedient are enjoying theirs. My ex has since remarried but I’m not in a hurry to try again. I have gotten my self esteem back though. I feel better now as I’ve made some changes in my life. I pray that my next marriage will reflect this.