In the divorce story for today, we read how thoughts can wreck a marriage. People don’t quite understand the role of perception in life, relationships and of course marriage. We will use Peju’s story as a case study and try to see how this can be helped.
Please take the time to read other divorce stories and the Hello Ross series. There is a lot that can be learned not just from the stories and my inputs bit from the comments which reflect the experiences of many others.
I would love you to be an active part of this conversation by adding your voice via your comments. You can comment on this article or on our Facebook and Instagram pages. If you have any marriage counsel needs or you want to share your stories, please send it to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. We never publish without your permission.
Buy now for a limited time. N2000 for all 3 books. Please Click here To Buy
Divorce Story 80: Peju, Forces Beyond Wrecked My Marriage
Hi, my name is Peju, I have been married for 6 years and throughout these years I faced serious challenges trying to have children. First and foremost, my husband and I are devout Christians and in the course of our quest for a child, we were told our inability to give birth was spiritual. We refused to give up and kept on praying until God finally answered our prayers. Then came the real trouble.
I finally got pregnant for the first time in the fourth year of our marriage. Throughout that pregnancy, my husband and I quarreled so much. The quarrels were quite excruciating and troubling that I eventually had a miscarriage.
I would say that the issues started 31 weeks into my pregnancy when I saw some heartbreaking messages on my husband’s phone.
Miscarriage in marriage
Wale had been chatting with another woman to the point of even telling her of he would love to have a baby with her. I was very devastated by the messages especially given the circumstances o0f the past four years. When I asked him about the messages, he got angry and denied flatly claiming I was fabricating all sorts of lies to tarnish his image.
My husband was a Sunday school teacher and was well respected in our church. I was torn between keeping this scandal to myself or reporting him to the church. To complicate matters, he had quickly wiped out the messages and I had no evidence. In the end, I kept it to myself for the sake of peace and the marriage.
The incident created so much rift and misunderstanding between us that eventually, I had a miscarriage from all the anger, hurt, tension and quarrels.
Miscarriage number two
After the miscarriage, Wale stopped talking to me and stopped sleeping in our bedroom altogether. This went on for months until I found a way to reconcile our differences and I took in again.
Some time into the pregnancy, I not only discovered that Wale had been cheating on me, but I also found out that the other lady was pregnant for him too!
In my hurt and anger, I reported him to our Pastor. He was stripped of all his leadership roles in the church and made to undergo counseling. This got him furious and he started staying away from home.
The stress became unbearable at home and I miscarried the baby again. My husband was unrepentant. He threatened me with a divorce and dared me to leave the marriage if I wanted to. I chose to stay and after all the stress, we reconciled again.
In the course of our reconciliation, I found out that my husband had been married before and the lady died when she was 8 months pregnant.
Death or Divorce?
I got really scared when I found this out. Even though he apologized and promised to be of good behavior, I became weary of the man I married. Just as before, there was a turnaround in his behavior and peace in our marriage. You would never have thought that this was the man that. had been threatening me with divorce.
A few months into reconciling, I took in again. Because I already knew the pattern in which things always turned out, I decided to guard against another miscarriage. So when the usual trouble began to brew, I packed out and went to lodge at a different place. I also told my people about my decision to stay alone until further notice and also told my Pastor I wanted out of the marriage, I wanted a divorce.
I had come to the conclusion that there were dark forces beyond my hubby’s control, which were causing him to show his ugly side. My Pastor asked that I should be patient. He acknowledged that everything happening was indeed spiritual, but said we could deal with it.
Too afraid to listen or reason beyond my experiences, I refused because I knew to stay could result in my death. I was the one wearing the shoes. My past miscarriages as well as the death of his former wife, were too much for me to want to stay. Even though I wanted to stay, I was too convinced that I should opt-out of the marriage and get a divorce from Wale.
An interesting twist to my story is that ever since I left, my so-called husband has never looked for me or pleaded with me to come back. It was as though that was what he had always wanted (to get rid of me).
I’ll be due in a few month’s time. I am really confused and I must confess, a bit bewildered. I really don’t know if I can manage to raise this child as a single mum.
This is indeed a strange one. Wale is also behaving strangely. It could be that there is something he knows that Peju doesn’t or, he is also hunted by the past. All the miscarriages and the death of his former wife might be keeping a load on him.
I don’t think though that there is anything diabolical at work. Wale just seems to be the typical philanderer. It just happens that he seems to be caught at certain periods. All the quarrels and issues stem from his unfaithfulness.
If it was diabolical, it would affect the other woman as well. Being a side chic, she is likely not as disturbed as the wife and as such doesn’t have the issues that Peju is facing.
I sympathise with Peju. She is in a difficult position and has convinced herself that something more than she can see is responsible for her unhappiness.
Due to the current state of her mind, it could be healthier if Peju has the baby outsides the confines of her home. Her main issues revolve around miscarriages and death. I think those issues would be dealt with if she has her baby full term.
Peju should seek reconciliation with Wale after birth. On one hand, she has opened the door to reconciliation with her concerns around being a single mum. Secondly, a child in tow will give her stronger bargaining power in the marriage. For all you know, a child is really what Wale craves for.
This is one divorce I believe can still be avoided and a marriage that can still be saved. There is, of course, the complication of the pregnant side chic. She would need to consider and factor that into her relationship with Wale. One side could be that her moving out of the house might also have opened the door for Jide to take the side chic as the main wife. That would be a matter for another day. We might just be seeing a part two of this divorce story.