My Divorce Story 84: Esther, He Left Me For His PA

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My Divorce Story 84: Esther, He Left Me For His PA

Hello and welcome to another edition of my divorce story. Is it only me that notices that time seems to fly so fast these days? It just seems like the days are getting shorter and shorter. Well, scientifically they are but that is another story for another day and another column.

Today’s divorce story focuses on Esther. It is quite an unfortunate and sad one. I can only offer my advice blindly based on the information given. I do hope it helps someone find closure or help someone in this same situation.

My Divorce Story 84: Esther, He Left Me For His PA

Hello, Davina diaries, my name is Esther and this is my divorce story. My ex and I split up after seven years of marriage. He left me for his secretary. Let me start from the beginning.

My parents were not super rich but comfortable. I didn’t grow up lacking anything. My ex, on the other hand, grew up in a poor family. He struggled along with his siblings while growing up. I was in school when I met him. I saw a man with potentials and the will to succeed so we became friends.

I shared my pocket money with him and often took care of his lunch. He managed to graduate and then took up a low paying job after school. I went on to do my masters abroad and for about five years I didn’t hear from him.

We reconnected at the event of our school reunion. He looked rugged and stressed out. Obviously, life had been dealing with him. I felt bad for him because he was a brilliant chap. He told me he was using his meager earnings to train his younger ones in school.

We maintained our friendship and it blossomed into a romantic relationship. I then had a job with an oil company that paid me quite well. I stuck with him because I believed so much that things would turn around for him. If only I knew what lurked in the future.

Preganancy and Marriage

I got pregnant for him and we were forced to make it official. So I moved in with him to his one room apartment but I couldn’t stand it so I paid for a bigger one after a few months. I noticed he didn’t like to bring money for anything and always complained of not having. I endured this, hoping that things would change.

Our son was born healthy and he was a flicker of light to us.  Things got better for him as one of his business proposals got picked up by a sponsor. He had to quit his job to focus solely on business and it paid off after a few years. He got an office and hired three staff to work with him. Then the changes became really noticeable.

He began to keep late nights and he spent money carelessly. I felt he should be investing rather than living lavishly but he kept doing his thing. Then I found out he was dating his secretary. The lady was even bold enough to call at night when we were in bed. One day I picked his call and we exchanged hot words. I confronted my husband but he attacked me and warned me never to try it again.

Divorce

I feel like money changed my husband and made me lose him or maybe he had always been that way and I didn’t notice. He moved out months later and last I heard he is living somewhere with his secretary.  I had to file for divorce officially after attempts to reconcile proved abortive. Thank you.

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My Thoughts

Just the other day, I was discussing the movie “Acrimony” by Tyler Perry. The movie is quite controversial and has all the makings of a cult thriller. The key controversy is that rarely do you find the guys and the ladies agreeing as regards the movie and the unravelings. The ladies usually feel one-way ad the guys another way.

Eather’s story seems to follow that vein. We published a story a while ago that seems to reveal a bit about the state of mind of the spouse that Esther married. I would recommend you read it for a bit more light. It is the story of a man who married above his level. Something it seems that Esther’s husband did here.

The story plays out all the classics as we can see in Acrimony. A comfortable girl meets a very poor boy, falls in love with him and they eventually marry. However, the boy’s upbringing continually stands in the way of their happiness and eventually, the marriage ends in divorce or worse.

Look before you leap my dear!!

In this divorce story, neither Esther or her husband can be blamed for how the marriage turned out. I just believe that they found themselves caught up in circumstances beyond their control. I have seen this thing play out time after time. It is quite tough for people from different social classes to mix and have a very comfortable marriage. Such marriages usually end in divorce.

Reading the story over and over, you would see the signs which showed all wasn’t well. Why couldn’t Esther couldn’t stand his smaller apartment? It could be because it was in the wrong part of town. Maybe she couldn’t bring her friends over.

I can just imagine what a time out for them both would be when friends come over. Who would pick the tab? When discussions come around the places they have visited, where they spent their childhood etc, her husband would definitely be uncomfortable because those areas were foreign to him. It would be tough for him to be part of the conversation.

It is likely that hubby found the secretary more attractive because they came from the same background. He could relate to her mote than with his high society wife.

People from a comfortable background like Esther don’t understand why people like the man she married spend lavishly. She was trained to save for the future. He needs to have the things he never had as a child. Those are what creates security for him.

Divorce Story 73: Funmi, Story Of Self Sabotage

My Advice

Marriages formed by couples from different sides of the divide rarely work, have lots of issues and usually end up in divorce. It is a bit easier when the lady is from the poorer side but it still isn’t enough. In these marriages, you would find accusations of one person being a gold digger and there would always be a suspicion of motive.

For all you know, Esther’s hubby didn’t even change. It might have just been that with his newfound wealth, he became independent. He didn’t have to come to her for again for help as he usually did. Wealth gives someone a voice and maybe his exercising his voice created the tensions.

This doesn’t discount the fact that some men are just ungrateful cads who are more of gold diggers and would abandon the woman at first chance. My over 21 years of counseling experience however has shown me that gold diggers are more of the exception. Both parties- either the man or the woman truly seek to make a happy home but are faced with circumstances beyond their control.

It rarely works, if it does, it would take tears and almost blood

Bottom line, stay in your lane. Marry your kind of person. It isn’t how much money the person has. It is more in the societal background. Try not to get into marriage hoping to pray the marriage into conformity. If the signs are there, walk away before you go in.

Please, I would love to have your thoughts and comments on this divorce story. Your thoughts keep the discussion flowing and gives interesting perspectives. If you have a divorce story you would love to share or a marriage counseling question, please send me an email to ross.t@davinadiaries.com. We don’t publish unless you are comfortable.

Warm regards
Ross.

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