My Divorce Story 88: Bukola, Not His Spec

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My Divorce Story 88: Bukola, Not His Spec

Hello Ross, I will try to keep my divorce story short and simple. My name is Bukola, I’m not divorced yet but estranged from my husband whom I’ve been married to for five years. I never really thought I would be this heartbroken in my life or get to a point where I’d have man troubles.

I’ve always been an attractive lady. All my life, I have literally had men chasing after me up right up until I got married. Eventually, I decided to settle with the one I loved most, Bolaji. Bolaji was my ideal man, apart from his physique, he was a smart guy, constantly advancing in his life and career. He kept me on my toes and I loved the way his mind worked.

Bolaji and I actually worked in the same industry (Entertainment) and we had mutual friends. Several friends expressed their surprise when they knew we were dating. Some of them even voiced their shock and concerns. Not long after, I found out why they were.

Not his spec?

I learned that prior to the time I came into my husband’s life, he had never dated a girl of my spec – namely fair-skinned and slim ladies. His kind of woman was very chubby or you could say, fat and dark.

When I learned this, I was like what?! It was just unbelievable. Considering Bolaji was tall lanky and looked sophisticated, I could barely come to terms with his taste in women.

When I told him what his friends said about his preference in women, he just shrugged it off. He said it was just coincidence that he had happened to date mostly chubby ladies. I let the matter rest because I know he felt uncomfortable talking about his past relationships.

Dear Ross, to cut my story short, three years into my marriage I was madly frustrated by my husband. It was as though I was sharing my bed and life with a complete stranger. I couldn’t even get good sex. Ever since I got married to Bolaji, I haven’t felt like a woman. He barely touched me and when he does, it’s almost as if he was being forced to do so.

Despite all that, I gave no thought to divorce, assuming we could always work it out somehow.

Fat women porn lover!

What hurts me the most was that those nights, while I’m dying to be touched, my dear husband would be busy secretly watching porn and masturbating in the process. He was discreet about it at first until the day I went through his laptop and phone and saw countless lewd videos.

The shocking aspect of my discovery was that these videos had something in common and that was the fact that all the women were a certain way – fat or shapeless. When I confronted him about my discovery, it led to a huge argument and my husband left me at home for days.

After that day, he didn’t even bother to hide anymore. Looking back, that was the first day my mind first looked into getting a divorce from Bolaji. I was alarmed but quickly dismissed the thought. Divorce was too far fetched. My guts told me it was going to get worse though. And it did.

It got to the point that whenever we went out, he would continuously stare at fat women. I don’t mean the UK size 14-20, I mean the ones that are obese or almost. Those big fat women, who are virtually shapeless. I can’t count how many times I’ve had to walk out on him in embarrassment and go home to cry my eyes out.

My confidence plunged and I found myself asking God why me? I was so sure of my beauty and class. How could those ugly overweight women with horrible stretch marks, compete with me when it comes to a man not to talk of my husband?

Breaking point and divorce

Things got to a head and we eventually had one big fight just before we went our separate ways. My husband had told me that he’d always wanted a big woman but he never had the confidence to marry one and thought I could make him get over the obsession with his preference.

Bolaji admitted that his marriage to me hadn’t cured him of his obsession. I was devastated by his words. It was obvious that my marriage was over and divorce was starring me in my face. Should I continue to live with a man who clearly doesn’t want or regard me? This has been my dilemma.

The worse thing for me is this strong feeling I have to be touched, wanted and made to feel like a woman. I’m slowly dying within and becoming bitter. It’s already visible for people to see that all isn’t well with me.

I have already filed for divorce. It is just so painful. I’m just so pained that he wasted my time and I have myself to blame for jumping into a union with a man based on my idea of an ideal husband.

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My thoughts

Hmmmmm quite interesting. As much as it sounds funny, there is really something known as a fat fetish. The fetish is symptomatic of a greater issue. reading through the link provided would give deeper insight into the matter. Bukola is indeed on a long journey if she decides to stay in the marriage. It might actually be a good decision to walk away now.

This unfortunately is one of those divorce’s that could be difficult to predict. She might have gotten enough warnings from the mutual friends but that in itself wasn’t enough. There is always a tendency to ignore warnings of people outside of our relationships. Most times to our detriment.

As usual, I would apreciate your comments and contributions. Please if you have a story to share or a question to ask, send me an email via ross.t@davinadiaries.com.

Warm regards
Ross

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