Thanks for your comments, feedback and suggestions regarding our series so far. Thanks for the stories you have sent in. We have gotten quite some good feedback from our people who have been reading these life experiences. Someone shared how one of the stories helped her value her relationship with her husband and helped her make decisions to save her marriage. I also get messages where people tell me that they have learnt to look at their relationship from a perspective other than theirs.

I am quite glad at the responses we have received as it shows it has really been worthwhile doing this series of letters. Please don’t forget you can send your own story to us at articles@davinadiaries.com or davina.r@davinadiaries.com. We change the names at request for confidentiality reasons. Please enjoy Cynthia’s story. Please don’t forget to read the comments at the bottom as they add an extra dimension to the stories. Try to also join the conversation. Thank you
Ross

My name is Cynthia and here’s my divorce story.

My parents were not wealthy, in fact, we struggled for most our lives. I ended my education with secondary school leaving certificate. I was the first child so I started supporting my siblings early by doing hairdressing for a living. My siblings also looked for some kind of handiwork and that’s how all six of us rolled. My mother sold snacks every morning outside a primary school close to our house while my father was a security man in one of the banks.

Financial reasons were why I could not further my education. I was street smart though and began to prosper in my hair business. I sold hair pieces too.

I lived in the ghetto area of town where fights broke out regularly, people gossiped and even more, people were jobless. Even though I lived there, I dreamed of giving my children in future a better place to grow in.

I met my husband Izu through a mutual friend who attended another branch of our church. I wanted to get married badly and so I eagerly opened up to Izu. I did not date him for long because he said from day one that he wanted marriage. We happened to be from the same state and this made things smooth.

I observed that Izu talked a lot, I was not too comfortable with that but our mutual friend said he was just a jovial dude. Izu was a sales representative in a company that manufactured drugs. I told him I desired to return to school and he said he would support me after the wedding. He was ahead of me educationally with his OND. We got along well and I thought we could actually have a good marriage. His family accepted me and my parents respected my choice.

Married life…

We got married after about five months of dating. His house was quite a distance from my hair shop so I had to close it and look for one nearer to where we now lived. I was lucky to find one within our area. It was smaller than the former one but I made it work for me.

I quickly settled in and performed my duties as a wife. We lived in a small apartment in a block of 18 mini-flats. It was tight but I came from a one-room apartment which I shared with my parents and siblings so it didn’t matter to me. It was a rowdy place as each flat housed at least 5 people including children. Gossip flew left, right and centre.

Izu left home before me usually but came in earlier. His job was flexible so sometimes he even came in as early as 3 pm while I usually closed by 7 pm or later if I had more customers. I eventually had to get an assistant. I had a baby a year later.

my road to divorce…

Our problems really began after our daughter was born. I had told Izu that I still desired to go back to school on a part-time basis and reminded him of his promises. He waved me aside and said I should focus on training our daughter. I also wanted him to make use of his spare times to get additional income as I didn’t want us living in that crowded compound anymore. He didn’t listen.

Then I began to hear gossips about him from people who patronized me. How he told this person this and said that etc. I wondered how he found the time to gossip. I told him what and what I heard but he got angry and threatened to close my shop. I began to discover that he was very laid back and lazy. He never lifted a finger to help in the house. He told neighbours about our very private lives, I got to know this from people who came to my salon.

One day I came in early from work because I felt ill (pregnancy symptoms). I was just in time to see a young girl insulting my husband at the gate. I asked him what was happening, but he brushed me aside and went into our flat. I called the girl who was not more than 18 and asked what happened, why she insulted my husband. She said, ” your husband say make I block am for beer parlour, this night”. I felt horrible.

I had been so engrossed in my business I had not noticed all these. He had no plans for the future. All our co-tenants knew all our secrets thanks to Izu. If we quarrelled they knew, they knew when he sent money to my parents; when I got pregnant they knew.

He had no respect for himself; he could quarrel with anyone at any time. We had a son but I began to feel like I was wasting my time with him. He stopped giving me money for the housekeeping. Then he stopped me from returning to my hair business. I lost weight and became a shadow of myself.

I summoned the courage to leave him when he pushed me in my third pregnancy and I suffered a miscarriage and lost the pregnancy as a result.

It’s has been three years since then. He still lives in that crowded house with a new girlfriend. I moved back to my parents briefly. I got another place for my hair business and was able to rent a house for me and my children. I later filed for and got a divorce. My ex-husband doesn’t contribute to my kid’s welfare but tnanks to God, I’m doing it well.

 

2 COMMENTS

  1. My dear so sorry for ur disappointment, it is always better to wait long than to marry wrong, a lesson for the younger ones. It mostly end like this when one is eager/restless for love and marriage, ur background (like many out there) contributed to ur decision of marrying ur man. May you find love again.

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