My Divorce Story 95: Deolu – I wasn’t good enough for her parents

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My Divorce Story 95: Deolu - I wasn’t good enough for her parents

Hello all, Deolu is my name and here is my divorce story. Thank you for this platform and I hope my story is published. My marriage ended in divorce basically because my wife’s family was rich and influential. They felt they could make decisions for me even though I was the man of the house.

My family wasn’t a rich one. My parents were civil servants and there were times they were owed salaries for months. It was tough growing up as I had to wait a lot for things.  They barely managed to provide necessities for us. We had to make do with our limited resources but we were a happy family.

My parents taught us contentment and this helped us stay focused in school. I had a part-time job in school which helped me sort out some school bills.

Kemi

My ex-wife Kemi, on the other hand, was from a very rich home. Her father was a top government official and her mother was a well-known lawyer. She grew up having everything which was a far cry from my own life. Kemi was the youngest of her siblings and her parents loved her a great deal.

We met during NYSC.  It was one of those times when we had to queue up for our allowance. Kemi walked by, I thought she was very beautiful even the other guys with me thought so too. I later heard whispers about how rich her family was. So imagine my surprise when she spoke to me during the parade.

Even though I was a very handsome fellow, I knew where I was coming from so I kept away from people beyond my level, lol. It turned out we were even in the same platoon. She wasn’t the arrogant girl people made her out to be. She was actually quite shy.

We kept in touch after service even when she travelled to the UK for her master’s degree. I could not afford a masters degree then, so I looked for a job. Fortunately, I got a good job in a large firm.  By the time she got back from the UK, I had started mine at the University of Lagos.

Engagement and marriage

I got a decent apartment and was living well. My parents had retired by this time and relocated to their hometown. I sincerely liked Kemi but I also knew that it would be difficult for her family to accept mine. Kemi told me she liked me a lot and would want to date me. I agreed because I like her too.

I never wanted their money because I wasn’t broke and I knew in years to come I would make it big. Eventually, her parents gave consent grudgingly for our nuptials. The wedding day was another story, her family took over everything. I had wanted to plan according to my own pocket but they overshadowed me, I didn’t complain.

Years later in our marriage, if we had any issue, Kemi would tell her parents who would, in turn, threaten me. I was to blame for every misunderstanding. When the children arrived, Kemi ensured she only used baby items bought from the UK by her parents, mine was totally ignored. The Christmas clothes I bought them was turned to playwear because ‘it wasn’t of good quality’.

Road to Divorce

I was hurt deeply and I told Kemi how I felt, she quickly apologized and promised to change. Then the mother pushed Kemi to demand that we moved to a duplex instead of the three-bedroom apartment we had.  To be honest, our house was a standard house in a very choice area in Lagos and I had long term plans to build a family house for us.

We were still battling this when the parents decided that our children come only to their home for holidays and not my parents home. I asked why and she (Kemi’s mom) said the environment wasn’t what she wanted her grandchildren to experience. It was then I knew I had made a grave mistake in marrying Kemi.

I wanted my children to know about both worlds to keep them humble and down to earth. I had never asked Kemi for a dime and raising my children with my own money was not going to be an issue.

Enough is enough and divorce

These issues pushed us apart and I was forced to file for a divorce. Thank God that the judge was lenient enough to grant us joint custody. I still worry about how they will turn out seeing that I’m not as rich as their mother is. Thank you.

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My thoughts…

I truly don’t understand the fuss Deolu is making about the whole matter. What comes through is his lack of self confidence and an inability to stamp his authority on his marriage.

At the point of marrying a rich man’s daughter, he should have known what to expect. From his narrative, Kemi was cooperative even though he had issues with her parents. Deolu was just being childish and impatient. I guess he was just overwhelmed by the wealth and status of his in-laws.

Deolu should have remained patient and continue growing. He should have exercised more influence and done more in stamping his authority on his marriage. He was already on the right part financially and should have waited. With time, he would have won the respect of his in-laws by being a man of his own.

If you have any stories to share or have the need for counselling, please send me and email via ross.t@davinadiaries.com
Warm regards

3 COMMENTS

  1. Though Christian marriage doesn’t support divorce but you can if you have to, you made the right decision that you were supposed to see even before you two got married. If you cannot be able to be allowed to take charge of your home simply because of your background, there is nothing to stay for.

  2. He who wear the shoe knows where it pinches.
    My take,
    Divorce shouldn’t have be next thing. U can stand your ground and u will have your children trained the way u want.

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