My Divorce Story 97: Sarai, six months is not enough

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My Divorce Story 97: Sarai, six months is not enough

Good day readers, my name is Sarai and this is my divorce story. I left my husband after the battering became unbearable.

I managed through seven years of marriage with Pius with hopes that he would change. He showed no signs when we were dating. Pius was a banker in one of the big banks as well a committed member of his church. He did have some authoritativeness about him which I thought was good because I wanted a man that could take charge. I was also attracted by his good looks.

Marriage after six months of dating

We dated for six months before we wedded. Pius was straight up about what he wanted and I also wasn’t getting younger so I decided to take the plunge.

I discovered Pius wasn’t romantic at all. Our sex life was boring and for me degrading; I found myself comparing him to my exes all the time. He would just jump in with no foreplay. It felt like rape.

We had two children; I guess I must have sensed I wouldn’t last long with him because I didn’t want to try for another child. My husband never kissed me or cuddled me. It made me feel so bad in addition, he ordered me around a lot. When I tried to express my feeling but he began to hit me.

I took the matter to the elders of the church and they sent for him to have a talk. One day, I was at home with the children when I saw him go out and hours later return looking very angry. He told me if I was tired of the marriage I could take a walk. After that, He called me all sorts of names and picked a few things before heading out. I didn’t see him for about three days.

Domestic violence and abuse

It bothered me and I wasn’t sure whether to report back to the elders or not. He suddenly returned and he commented ‘so you are still interested in this marriage?’ I asked him where he had been but received resounding slaps instead.

I was told to endure that marriage was for life but I wasn’t happy any more. The battering increased but I endured. It got so bad that we started to exchange words in the presence of the children often.

To make matters worse, I had no stable source of income. I depended on Pius for everything. He took advantage of it of course; he began to buy the children’s things just to avoid giving me money. This led to fights and he eventually stopped coming to church. He would drop us off and drive away.

Divorce

Eventually, I decided to divorce Pius because the atmosphere in the house was beginning to affect my children. My fear was of them becoming monsters. I decided that as soon as I started a business that it was time to leave. He didn’t contest the divorce and we currently share custody of the children.

Get to know your spouse before marriage because not all that glitters is gold.

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My thoughts…

How long is long enough to get to know your spouse before marriage? This is a question that begs for debate. Some people would say that three months is enough. My thought, however, is that you are risking divorce if you marry within 3-6 months.

In everything there are exceptions. I have heard of love at first sight. People striking it off immediately, dating 3 weeks after, marrying 3 months after and enjoying 50 years of marital bliss. These stories, however, are the exceptions and not the rule.

You also never get to hear the inner stories from the couple. The struggles they went through and the issues they faced. You should give time in a relationship before marriage. Time to know each other and to survive the conflicts that would make later marriage strength.

You can reach me via ross.t@davinadiaries.com if you have a story to share or need counseling.

Cheers.

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