My Divorce Story 98: Courage, I Couldn’t Have His Child

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My Divorce Story 98: Courage, I Couldn't Have His Child

Hello, my name is courage and this is my divorce story. Thank you for this awesome blog.

I was born in Cameroon and lived there for about ten years after which my family came back to Nigeria. Unlike my name, I was very timid and shy. I got bullied a lot in school and even by my siblings. So I grew up reserved and slightly naïve. In school, however, I excelled. Everyone knew me as this quiet unproblematic person but it also caused me relationships because more aggressive ladies would seduce my men and that would be it. I would just cry and try to move on.

Ifeanyi and Marriage

When Ifeanyi came my way, I didn’t expect things to be any different. We dated for a year before he proposed to me. It came as a surprise because I was preparing for a breakup actually. Overjoyed, I accepted his proposal and a few months later we were married.

I was not so sure about what I was expecting to see in marriage but I did determine in my heart to be a good wife. Happily, I set out to be all my husband needed. It was a normal marriage from the onset. We didn’t have arguments the way other couples we knew did. I thought it was a good thing, I never knew my husband wasn’t satisfied with me.

To make matters worse, I could not conceive. We went to hospitals and they said I had a damaged fallopian tube. The possibility of having children was almost nonexistent. This put a strain on our relationship because we both wanted a child badly.

Ifeanyi later consoled me and assured me it was fine and that we could adopt. I had never considered it before but since my husband supported me, I decided to go ahead with it. We adopted a baby boy. It brought a brief moment of joy for us. Our joy was short-lived when we discovered months later that he was deaf. Ifeanyi became moody and uncommunicative and I was left alone with the child.

Heartbreak and marriage woes

I tried to love him but it took some work for me to accept the child. I cried a lot during this period. We began to live like flatmates. He didn’t play with our baby as a normal father would. He wasn’t excited either. I began to get depressed.

This continued until our son clocked one, then suddenly my husband’s attitude changed. I noticed he was cheerful and suddenly had springs in his steps. He was happy but not towards me or our boy. So I summoned the courage to ask what was up, but he only gave vague answers.

Months later that a woman called me to tell me she was expecting a child for my husband. She said she felt it was only fair that I knew because she was due the following month. My beloved husband had told her I was barren and he was divorcing me. Everything then made sense to me; the sudden change in behavior and all.

Divorce

I asked him later that evening when he returned and he didn’t deny. He said I could stay if I wanted to but that the child his girlfriend was having was his only child as far he was concerned. I knew that staying would be hell for me so I filed for a divorce and also for allowances for our adopted child which was granted.

I was bitter for a very long time and actually had to get professional help. My son is five years now He’s a brilliant chap and I see him going places. I haven’t heard from my ex, I only receive a monthly allowance as ordered by the court. Thank you.

My thoughts…

Hi Courage, thanks so very much for your divorce story. It is quite touching.
First of all, I must let you know that it is not the end of the world for you as far as pregnancy is concerned. If you have a damaged fallopian tube, you can still get pregnant with the other. If both are blocked, you can still get pregnant via IVF. All you need is a patient and deserving man. I am surprised you didn’t get this information from the hospital.

As regards Ifeanyi, no need crying over spilled milk. A man like that doesn’t deserve you. Also, you must realise that not all men are that way so don’t be afraid to try once again. People like Ifeanyi don’t change the same selfishness that made him abandon you two, would manifest again.

My biggest concern is with your self-confidence. having being bullied all your life, you seem to have come to see less of yourself and your prospects. Work on yourself and be the best of you for you and your son. Miracles do happen.

Work on your career or business and be at the top of your game. Don’t spend time brooding on if you are good enough for the bullies and the Ifeanyi’s of this world. Don’t close your heart to love. You deserve to love and be loved.

Bumps would always come in the journey of marriage. It shouldn’t always end up in divorce. I believe that this is one marriage that could have been saved with more love and patience. Also with proper medical advice.

If you have any marriage matter you need counseling for or you want to share your divorce story, please send me a mail via ross.t@davinadiaries.com

Warm regards

Ross

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