My Divorce Story 99: Angela, like a bolt out of the blues

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My Divorce Story 99: Angela, like a bolt out of the blues

‘I want a divorce, Angela’. These were the words my husband of twenty-five years said to me on the eve of our anniversary. There I was standing in my nightwear while he had his back to me, facing our dressing mirror. ‘What!?’ I asked in disbelief. I must admit I did see it coming but I just didn’t think he would actually go through with such ridiculousness.
You see Mike and I had drifted apart over the last ten years or so. Call it mid-life crisis, I don’t know. We were both hard-working professionals that had excelled in our individual fields over the years. I was a chartered accountant of many years standing. I had worked with several top firms before establishing mine. Mike was a lawyer with a thriving law practice. Our union had produced our only son who was then in Europe pursuing his masters in engineering.

Mike

So how did we get to that point? We met as undergraduates in one of the nation’s top universities. We were both members of the students union and later graduated top of our different departments. I guess that was what attracted us to each other. Coincidentally, we both did our masters program in the same institution in the UK. Firstly, we became friends and then lovers.
Mike was quite a looker, I must confess. He was the popular tall dark and handsome dude every woman wanted. I was beautiful and still consider myself a beautiful woman. We were the envy of people back then because we were so good together. Both of us had similar passions and we matched each other in intellect and wit.

When we returned to Nigeria after our masters program, Mike proposed and I accepted. We didn’t want so many children, we wanted just two. As it is, we had just one, Mathew our son. I loved him so much but he didn’t get the pampering that an only child would usually get though.

Marraige Issues

Mike and I got jobs with good firms as soon as we returned. He excelled in his law practice and was able to establish his own firm much later. He got consulting jobs as well.

Then came the issue with women. They were always there, lurking somewhere in the shadows. At first, Mike’s indiscretions really got to me and we fought a lot about it. As our marriage progressed, I decided to take my mind off it. He wanted a daughter so desperately but I just couldn’t get pregnant after Mathew. We tried several methods, but all to no avail. I accepted my fate and forged on. I thought Mike felt the same way too. He gave me the needed support and we just moved on with our lives.

I became a chartered accountant and began to get big deals from firms, which kept me busy. Mathew was doing well in school. When he was of age, we placed him in an elite boarding school. We were allowed to visit once a month so we kept tabs on him. With Mathew out of the way, we traveled and focused on our careers. We had several repeat honeymoons, but they never resulted in pregnancy.

Divorce Grumblings

Even though Mike was cheating occasionally, I still loved him and had no plans to leave. After a while, I noticed he was always gloomy and snappy. I went back and forth with him to figure out what the matter was. He just seemed to have been bitten by an alien bug. Soon, he started staying out later than usual and this bothered me. I didn’t want another woman having a stronghold on him.

Knowing something was wrong, I went out of my way to investigate his activities. It was then that I found out that he was dating a much younger girl of about twenty years old. The big problem was that she was pregnant already. I cried and confronted him. He seemed to have some remorse and told me we could work things out. I told him I didn’t want her anywhere near our home or our child.

With time, the pregnancy came full term and she had a baby boy. I know Mike was somewhat disappointed but he threw a lavish party for her. At this time, Mathew was now in the university studying civil engineering. We let him know he had a younger sibling and I believe Mike set up a meeting so he could see his younger brother.

Divorce Grumblings

Never in my wildest dream did I think that this would happen to me. I did give Mike some tough time but we stayed together until the day he shocked me with those words ‘I want a divorce’. Just before those words, I was on my way to the bathroom to run water for a bath. I looked at him sharply and saw that he was indeed serious. I had been wondering how we would celebrate our anniversary and was actually planning a surprise but I was the one who got surprised.

Well, we parted ways. I was fifty and he was fifty-three. He moved out and let me have our house while he moved into the one he had recently completed. The lady moved in with him and they are raising their son together.

Life after

Mathew was initially very upset and refused to speak to his father for a long time but I told him not to hold grudges. I don’t quite know what happened. Maybe we had gotten too familiar with each other, was it the work, or maybe the attraction of a younger woman.

I still miss him though but I put myself into my work and other causes. Life has to go on. Thanks for reading my divorce story.

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My Thoughts…

Dear Angela, Thanks for the sharing your divorce story. It isn’t the end of the world. I pray that You will eventually heal and move on. Mike obviously has moved on.

I refuse to believe that the primary reason for divorce was the inability to have a girl child. There are several sides to this story that we need to consider.

First of all, Mike is a philanderer. He had women issues before you married and it continued right after marriage. Philandering is a habit that is quite difficult to kick. A guy who would stray from his girlfriend would surely stray from his wife. The thing though is for the furture wife to understand this and decide how to deal with it in marriage.

The second issue has to deal with the marriage spark. There Is a reason why the man chose the lady over all the other ladies. This is the reason that keeps him straight in the marriage. In the case of the philanderer, it is what keeps him coming back to his woman.

As marriage grows older, the attarction should deepen not lessen. Unfortunately, in some marriages, people get carried away by so mnay other things and allow the marriage grow stale. A stale marriage becomes a magnet for another woman.

Marriage spark lost

Mike met another woman who was able to bring back that spark. From then, the divorce bell statrted to ring. Condider the following, she wasn’t the first woman he was cheating with. I bet she wasn’t the youngest either. Also, she gave birth to a boy not a girl. Thirdly, he left after the child was born.

The reason for the divorce can’t be blamed on just one party. I am pretty sure if you asked Mike, he would have a version of this divprce story as well. It is the responsibility of both parties to maintain the spark.

One thing people should understand is that a divorce isn’t an easy step. It takes a lot for a someone to ask for a divorce. There has to be enough compelling reason outweighing the current circumstances for a divorce to occur. Mike didn’t need to get a divorce. Him and Angela had settled concerning the girl and her child for him. He could have continued the status quo. Why then did he ask for a divorce.

I really would love us to continue this discussion. Please leave your comments in the comment section below. You can read other divorce stories, my comments and other comments here. Finally, if you have a divorce story to share or you need marriage counsellung advice, Please send a mail to ross.t@davinadiaries.com

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