Dear readers, by popular demand, we are starting this column dealing with Divorce, Widowhood and life after. We would be sharing life experiences, offering advice and dealing with questions. Please stay tuned.
Nneka kicks off our first life’s experience. Please read and make your comments below.
I’m Divorced. Don’t judge me. Listen.
I thought I knew what I wanted; a great good looking guy with a fantastic job. Well, I got that and it sucked.
Buchi and I met at a party. I was fresh out of a relationship and I needed to unwind and get my groove back. So I was dancing, I wore this off the shoulder mini dress that had the men ogling and he came up to me.
“May I?” he asked indicating he wanted to dance with me. I smiled and agreed. He was tall, dark and handsome, every woman’s dream. We danced all night, it was perfect. Then he offered to take me home. We talked all the way; it seemed we had known each other for long. I fell in love that night. He worked in one of the big banks in the country. When I visited his apartment the first time, I began to dream of our future together. It was what I wanted my home to look like.
He met my parents six months later. They liked him and his parents liked me too. We hit the altar happily. I was so in love with him that I did not realize he was abusing me emotionally. Our courtship was smooth. We hardly had cause to quarrel for long. It was so rosy, I should have known.
and then it started…
He would stop talking to me for days if we had a misunderstanding. He stopped complimenting me. If I mistakenly put excess salt or pepper in the soup, he would abuse me and storm out. I would beg and beg and he would come back. He began to tell his mother things about me. We had been married for three years now and no child was forthcoming. One day I needed to make a call and had no airtime so I decided to use his phone. That was when I saw messages from his mother. She was asking when he would take another wife since the one he had was barren. Even more shocking was his response ‘I’m working on it.’
I had scheduled an appointment to see a doctor. I remember the fateful morning I went there and the tests I had to run. The doctor was kind and helpful. He told me when to come back, which was a day before I saw those horrible text messages. There was nothing wrong with me. The doctors said I was fine but requested I brought in my hubby to be tested too. I was thrilled about that. All I needed to do was break the news to him. I pretended not to have seen the messages. I told him about the test as requested by the doctor. He laughed and said he would not have the time.
To the world outside, we were the perfect couple but I suffered depression. I began to hate the sight of him. He started an affair with a lady in his office. She even came to our home twice pretending she was passing by and decided to drop in. I snooped and saw their messages to each other. I still needed Buchi to run those tests. So I tried to be nice as much as I could. He refused to budge. I wondered what to do.
Then my chance came. One night he came home drunk and came for me. He wanted to rape me. I got a small bottle and worked on him. He had no idea what happened as he was totally wasted I was able to get samples of his semen and sent it to the doctor. The result was what I feared. He had a very low sperm count. Chances of having a child were close to nothing.
I quietly moved out the following day. I told my parents that it was for good. He didn’t know why I abruptly moved. He tried to get me to come back but I was done. I filed for a divorce on grounds of irreconcilable differences.
He still doesn’t have a child and that is the short of my story. I had heard too many stories of women in similar situations like mine and I didn’t want to enter into all that drama at my young age as I am just 27years old. I would rather just start all over. And that is my Divorce story