Separation Brought Me Bliss
Happy to share my divorce story here, my name is Ike.
I was married for just two years before separation and then divorce. I met my wife Pamela through an acquaintance. She was a chartered accountant working in a big firm somewhere in Victoria Island Lagos. I worked in one of the banks also on the island.
We did not court for so long because I was already in my mid-thirties and eager to settle down. My parents were dead and all my siblings were married. I adored my nephews and nieces and I couldn’t wait to have my own children. I mentioned it to this acquaintance and he immediately went to work setting me up on blind dates. It was funny, every weekend I was on one date or another. So finally I met Pamela and she appeared ready and mature.
We went out a couple of times and she seemed quite friendly. She was also in her thirties and eager to settle down as well.
Pamela had a job that paid well, she seemed independent and I felt she would be a support to me as I had big dreams. Her father had died when she was about seven and she and four other siblings were raised by their mother. Our wedding rights were performed speedily and she moved into my apartment.
She became abusive almost immediately. For example, if she wanted something and I forgot to get it on my way from work, she would insult me. She was always quick to raise her voice at me for any trivial matter. Pamela changed from the friendly girl to an Unbearable nag.
On one occasion she insulted me in the presence of my colleagues because I had given them drinks that she had earlier put in the freezer. My friends could not believe their ears. They asked me as I saw them off if we had quarrelled earlier and I told them no. I spoke to her mother about it but the lady took sides with her.
My Path To Separation
My wife got pregnant about six months after our wedding. I took the news with mixed feelings. I was excited to be a father but my feelings for Pamela had begun to wane. She still had a razor-sharp tongue in pregnancy. I tolerated her as much as I could.
Sadly for me, she was about five months gone when I had a serious issue in my office. It was a case of fraud and I was nearly implicated. The case took about two months to resolve. It involved me going to the station frequently. I was suspended and even though I was eventually cleared, I still lost my job. It was a blow to me. I had made a down payment for a plot of land before all the problems came so I had very little cash available at my disposal.
Then Pamela unleashed her evil on me. She would make demands knowing well that I had no money. She still worked and earned a good salary but used the money for herself. I applied for jobs but none was forthcoming. I decided to try business. Things were really tough for me. When the time came for her to deliver, her mother moved in with us to help care for the baby.
My wife never supported me financially when I was down. For instance, I asked her for a loan to pick up some goods to resell after which I was going to repay her. She flared up that she was going to single-handedly pay for the delivery of our child and that was enough.
Let me point out that while we courted and after marriage, I took care of everything; rent, bills and food. I even gave her money for her upkeep monthly. She hardly spent money on things pertaining to keeping our home. I swallowed my pride and asked my siblings for money. Transport money, calling cards and even money for food when there was a shortage of foodstuffs in the house.
When the time came, our daughter arrived. I was happy that everything went smoothly. She was a healthy baby, I was overjoyed. We named her Blessing. Pamela’s mother took care of her and our baby. She didn’t however, miss an opportunity to remind me that I was a failure and that my wife was the breadwinner. If my daughter cried in my arms, she would hurriedly snatch her from me as if I wanted to harm her. I couldn’t take it anymore.
One day I had an explosive argument with my wife and she poured water on me. She also threw our marriage certificate at me. Her mother supported her. That was the last straw. I left the house that day without even knowing where I was going to sleep. The following morning when I knew they would go to the hospital, I went and picked up a few clothes and my important documents and I walked. A few weeks later I contacted a lawyer to discuss Separation. I filed for a divorce and even though I couldn’t foot the bills, my siblings helped me out. I moved in with my older brother and began to plan a new life.
Pamela sent people to talk to me but she was dead to me. I worked out a custody arrangement with the help of my lawyers. I was granted visitation rights during school holidays. While primary custody of the child was given to Pamela.
It’s been six years since the Separation and subsequent divorce. I have no plans to remarry now, I’m still broken by what I passed through. I eventually sold my property and used it to start a business. It’s been challenging but I’m not where I was then. I’ve stabilized and no woman is going to ruin that for me.
Separation Brought Me Bliss and I am in no hurry to repeat that episode of my life again.