Hi, my name is Ruvy, I’m a mum of three and a domestic violence victim. This is the tale of how my husband, the father of my kids molested and abused me in our 7 years of being together
Brume and I were really in love when we first met. We advanced from being classmates of a post-graduate course to being lovers. Our relationship quickly progressed when I took in. We had a small ceremony and became a couple. At that time, I never once thought I could be a victim of domestic violence.
My dilemma began after I had my first child, my husband began to abuse me verbally at first by calling me fat and lazy. I was neither of both. Yes, I gained weight from childbirth and had a difficult time losing most of it but I couldn’t be called fat and I was also not lazy.
He Raped Me?!!
Childbearing weighed me down a lot. I expected a bit more understanding but my husband in his insensitive nature neither offered help nor encouragement. He was just always nagging about what I wasn’t doing right. Because of the way he treated me, I had difficulty opening myself to him again sexually. However, Brume wouldn’t consider my feelings and make amends.
When our son was five months old, he raped me for the first time because I refused to have sex with him. That day I felt shame and disgust in its raw form. He began calling me names right after and said I didn’t have the right to deprive him of his marital rights. Adding that I should be grateful that he still would have sex with me despite my not being desirable.
I didn’t know what to make of my situation at the time. How do I report being raped and roughly handled by my own husband, The father of my child? This continued until we had our second baby. I constantly had to hide my emotions and scars from people. I would lie when someone asked about a bruise on my body or face. Suddenly, here I was face to face with domestic violence and it was looking ugly.
Attempt at escape from domestic violence
One day, I couldn’t take it anymore so I ran for help. I left our home when he wasn’t around and went to hide at my sister’s house. My sister filed a case of domestic violence on my behalf.
My husband was summoned by the police and that was when I realised I was dealing with a sick and sleek predator. He managed to turn the case against me and in the end, none of the charges stuck. We were advised to settle our differences amicably, the family way.
While there, he half apologized for causing me pain. His family and mine advised that I go back and be of good behavior as well. Everyone promised me that he wouldn’t hurt me anymore. Reluctantly, I went back to my marriage.
Not quite 2 weeks later, my husband picked off where he left off.
This time, he broke down my self-defense and made me feel worse. The rapes became more frequent, I don’t even know if I could call those rapes. I mean how do you classify your husband tearing off your clothes right after dressing for work just to satisfy his urge.
I could be running late for work or be in my period and he wouldn’t care. All he cared about was himself and none other. Sometimes his taking me by force came right after beating me. I was slipping into depression as I found myself a mere statistic in the data on domestic violence.
My Second Escape?
When I couldn’t take it anymore, I ran away for the second time. This time, I went to hide at an unmarried friend’s place. It took my husband just under a week to find out where I was. On discovering me, Brume became a nuisance. He started coming to the place in a bid to harass me into returning home.
Soon enough, he became a threat to my friend’s life. Eventually, we had to go report again at a police station even though we weren’t expecting much help from them. The police invited him and advised him to stay away from me for a while.
One day my while my friend was away, My husband broke into her house and gave me the beating of my life for getting him arrested. He threw me to the ground, strangled me then dragged me into the living room by my hair.
Brume threatened to tear me up in unimaginable places. I was scared for my life and that of my kids who had woken up from sleep to see me being beaten. He threatened to kill us all including himself. Not doubting his threat one bit, I begged him and promised that I would return to him.
I asked that he should spare our lives and give me a day to leave my friend’s house without her suspecting something was wrong. He left after making me promise that I wouldn’t call the police on him again.
Free at last?
The moment my friend came back, she raised an alarm on seeing my state. The marks and beating were very visible and I looked really bad. Even though I begged her not to, we had to go to the police to make a statement about the incident.
This time, they couldn’t deny the threat to my life as the bruises and marks were there for them to see. It was a clear case of domestic violence. Additionally, I was tongue-tied and scared the whole time they came to assess the house.
To cut a long story short, we found a group of lawyers who were interested in my case. By this time, my case had somehow found its way to social media and several bodies were concerned for me and the kids. At this time, the laws on domestic violence had been tightened. They fought for my case and ensured the charges on my husband stuck. Eventually, Brume was given 10 years imprisonment.
I’m speaking out to show others that you can rebuild your life after abuse. It’s never too late to escape and get justice. Please speak out if you’re being abused in a relationship or marriage – these men need to be exposed to the world for the monsters they truly are.
There is so much Domestic violence in sub-Saharan Africa that it looks like an epidemic. It stems from a culture where men think that once they have paid bride price, they own the woman. However, times are changing. When you add your voice, that change would come faster.
I must admit though that I am scared of Brume. Ten years might be long but one day he would free. Statistics show that men who commit domestic violence never really change and I just wonder what would happen. Sometimes I think he would escape jail and come for me. This is what years of abuse and domestic violence has done to me. One day though, I would truly be free.
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