You don’t need a pastor to tell you this, if you have ever passed through any of these things, then my brother or sister, your village people are after your destiny.
- AT THE ATM LINE
You have been on the queue for about two hours and when it gets to your turn, the ATM suddenly stops paying. Choi, you need to see a powerful man of God or go to your village dibia for cleansing.
- AT THE JOB INTERVIEW
We all know the job situation of this country, after months or years of sipping bland garri without groundnut or pepper, you have this job interview at a big company. The problem is not the oversized suit you are wearing, neither is it your rat punctures trouser, or your shiny vaselined skull(because you had to look polished). The problem is that Angelina is the chief interviewer, the power to select a candidate is in her hands.
You remember Angelina? That smallish little girl you used to bully back in secondary school. Every time you’re asked to write names of noisemakers, the first name that came to your head was Angelina.
Guy, just pack your load and walk out.
- IN THE LIBRARY
We all know how serene this reading environment could be. You left your house well prepared, you packed your books neatly, a pen and a jotter. Then you choose to sit in the section with much people and your crush sits directly opposite you.
The thing is, you suddenly feel bloated and that fart can’t just wait to dance out.
You pray within you ‘Oh Lawd, show me mercy, I promise not to eat Beans and stew at midnight anymore. I promise not to lie about my age no more’
But it’s too late as the fart crashes the whole building.
‘Gbam’! the whole place vibrates, what’s annoying isn’t just the crashing sound, it’s that smell, that dead and rottened dog smell.
You know you’re screwed when your crush wrinkles her nose.
This is only a sign that your village people are after your destiny.
- AT THE CLUB
You borrow a car and ride with your friends to the club. You see this fine girl, why can’t you mind your business?
You smell your breath, lick your lips and walk up to her.
She ignores you at first, but you tell her you have a car outside and you would drive her around.
She smiles and follows you.
The problem is that on getting to the car park, you can’t seem to find the car.
‘Baby, what’s wrong?’ her honey voice caresses your brain.
‘Honey, I packed the car here, I dunno what has gone wrong’ your voice is shaky because you know that car can buy you and your village put together.
Then as you’re standing, a valet walks up with tears in his eyes and you ask him where your car is.
‘Oga, Uncle ,Sir, the car…erhmm, the car…. Dem don tief am’ the valet stutters.
You are speechless, it may be a dream.
But it’s not, my dear Titus, your Village people are after your destiny.