Hi, thanks for the comments and emails. Thanks also for following these articles. I have gotten several feedbacks already as ladies have been identifying themselves in the articles. Several have been able to find where they are at and began applying the needed changes.
In this article, I would take on the quality of adaptability. Now, no one quality is stronger or more desirable than the other. They are all required.
Let’s look at the dictionary meaning of Adaptability:
“able to change or be changed in order to fit or work better in some situation or for some purpose: able to adapt or be adapted”
So you want to marry? Part Three
Gbenga had been trying to get into a relationship with Dami for over two years. Each time he came to her, Dami turned him away saying he wasn’t her type. Gbenga was just a few years out of university. He had great potential but wasn’t there yet. Dami would laugh at Gbenga’s nerve to come propose to her. She would tell him how they were not in the same class. Her eyes were set elsewhere on some brothers who seemed to have better potentials. Tolu liked Gbenga and recognized the potentials in him. When Dami turned him aside, she married him. Incidentally, Tolu came from a wealthier background that Dami.
20 years later, Gbenga is a wealthy rich guy with business in Nigeria and abroad. His 3 kids all school in one of the best schools in the USA and there are few pleasures of life he can’t afford. Dami meanwhile is still unmarried. Having turned away all the guys who seemed not to have potentials, the “potentialled” ones only used her and walked away.
Chisom liked Timothy. He was a nice guy, he made her laugh and she knew she would have a good life with him. The problem was that Timothy was 3 years younger than her. He wasn’t even her younger brother’s age mate.
All her friends laughed at her as they thought that the idea was ridiculous. How could she marry such a young boy? Some said it was better to remain unmarried than marry a man younger. Some even said that marrying a man their age was bad enough not to talk of marrying a man younger. Her pastor was practically the only person who counseled her on marrying Timothy. 15 years later, their marriage is going on strong. They have 2 lovely kids, she and Timothy are doing very well and some of those friends still haven’t married.
The above two cases are the majority of adaptability issues that face unmarried women. They are several but the two main ones that have hindered many a women from marrying is inability to see potential in the man or inability to look beyond the man’s age. How can I marry a man 10 years older than me? Or how can I marry a man younger than me?
You Are Reading: So you want to marry? Part Three
Several ladies grew up reading “Mills and boon” or several romance novels where Prince Charming was always one rich guy. From watching television or wrong information, they assume that the guy who would sweep them away into marriage must already have it made.
For some women, the minimum requirement is a nice car, a good job and a nice house. This is all good but we need to define this a bit more. One of the things that used to baffle me as a pastor is that whenever I asked people who wanted to marry to stand up, I would get an equal number of men and women standing up. The question I always would ask is how come the women can’t see the men and vice versa.
What I would hear from the sisters is that the men aren’t ready and what I would hear from the brothers is that the women’s eyes are too high. When I ask the ladies what they meant by the brothers are not ready, they say the brothers are not mature. When I ask what they mean by maturity, it almost always boils down to a job, a house etc.
This is all good in a way. From our ancestral coding, the woman is the homemaker and the man brings in the meat. She must have the assurance that the man would bring in enough food to feed her and the children before she settles down with him. However, how can she spot that the man of today would be the great warrior of tomorrow?
A woman must be able to recognize potential in her man at an early age and help the man to achieve his vision. That is why the woman is called the helpmate – helper meet for the task.
Ngozi liked bob. She however realized that he wasn’t there yet in terms of marriage. She liked his dreams and aspirations but he really didn’t have anyone to help. She bought him a good suit, cleaned him up and helped him get a good job. Soon enough he had enough money to be the man of the home. Today they are married with lovely kids and doing well.
Jason was the first guy that Nina had ever dated. She dated him from her first year at the university and after. Her dad had died earlier and left her some money. She took part of this money and invested in Jason’s future. 2/3 of the money of the first car that Jason bought came from her. For the first 3 years after school, Jason could only get low paying jobs. During that time, several suitors came her way but she stuck with him. Many people asked her what she was still doing with him. Four years after she left school he got a good and well-paying job and they were able to get married after seven years of dating. Today they own 2 houses and live in a choice area of Lagos.
Many women would tell me how they have heard stories of women who were abandoned by men after several years of investment. I tell them that those stories are in the minority. There are more stories of men who stuck with their women than the other way round. After all men too have their stories of women who left them for a richer man.
You just have to have faith and believe it would work out well. Marriage itself is based on faith.
We would look at adaptability again in our next discourse. The article is already getting too long and I have to end it here.
Cheers and we talk later.
You Have Been Reading: So you want to marry? Part Three
Click Here To Read: So you want to Marry? Part One