Thanks for your mails and comments of last week. They were quite illuminating.

If you are new to this discourse, please read last week’s article before you continue

Please Click Here To Read So You Want To Marry? Part one

I started talking last week about qualities that highly marriageable ladies possess. Now what are these qualities? Most times, people’s minds would go to the usual suspects – humble, calm disposition, home maker,. People would also look at abilities such as good cook etc.

However, these days, these are not enough to get a girl married.

So what qualities do highly marriageable ladies possess? These qualities are abstract in that they are composed of several qualities in themselves. The 3 key qualities I have identified are:

availability,

adaptability and,

desirability.

I will take these points one by one and deal with them exhaustively. In case you are impatient, please remember that it is not my fault you are not married – #JustKidding. Actually if you read the heading of this article, you’ll see that it is termed a practical guide, not a read and abandon.

I will first of all discuss the key quality and then look at the features of that quality. In another article, we would take the points in-depth.

So you want to marry… You must be available

Availability.

The lady who wants to be married must be available to her suitors. They must see her and know she is available. Availability is an art that must be mastered but it comes naturally to the highly marriageable lady. Points of discussion here include being seen, where you are seen, how you are seen and what signals you transmit when you are seen.

want to marry 22

Being seen.

You just can’t find the lady. She says she wants to be married but you don’t see her. If she is not at work, she is locked up at home. If she is in church, she comes in on her own, runs to one corner usually at the back to hide and quickly leaves before anyone finds her.

Priding herself as a loner, she doesn’t keep friends. She doesn’t attend functions, weddings, events of fellow colleagues etc. Most times, her circle of friends are so narrow and usually are all married women or friends. She has excuses and reasons why she is like this. She is so protective of her space that sometimes she even shuts friends out. Hmmmmmmm and you want to marry? Maybe it is spirit husband that would find you. A person who wants to be married must be available. Sister, let people see you!!

Where you are seen.

Let’s think like a man. Where would a man go to look for a wife? Definitely not at a night club or some raucous party. Men go look for wives in church, family meetings, gatherings, weddings and other quiet places. Guys classify women into different categories so some girls are wife material, some are girlfriend/playmate material while some are mistress material.

Haven’t you seen a guy with a steady girl who ends up marrying another person? Forget about all the excuses he gave. While still asking for forgiveness from the lady whose heart he just broke, he turns round to continue the relationship keeping her on as his mistress.

Have you not seen over and over a man after all the playing, settles down with the most unlikely girl and people are wondering how come? Where did he meet the girl? Go and ask. Where you are seen is a vital part of getting married. Do a research of where men expect to find wife materials and frequent those areas more often. Your marriageability would increase.

How you are seen

Some sisters are everywhere; they are too available. The lady in reality is a virgin but we get the impression that she has had more than her fair share of men. Some are just too available. Some others think they are men. They laugh too loud, crack all of the jokes a woman shouldn’t crack in public and have no class. One of the sad things to see in life is a beautiful but classless lady.

In these days of social media, a lady should also be careful with the posts she makes, her status and co. when guys want to check out the marriageability status of a lady they run to her social media pages.

In an office where I headed for a year, people were getting married left and right (people get married left and right when I show up). That year, we had about 14 marriages. I tried match-making this particular sister with one or two guys but it just wasn’t sticking.

Everyone was getting married but she was being left behind. Solid fine lady with all  the potentials. One of the things she was doing was breaking all the rules of availability. She was too available. Second, she broke the rule of “how you are you seen”. When I asked one of the guys why they were not married, they said “I should forget. She already had a solid boo.” When I asked how he knew, he said if I looked at her WhatsApp DP I would see one correct intimidating guy or another.

So I went to her DP and truly there was this solid looking guy who was in the US army and she had the words “congratulations to my boo”. Another DP had her on the chest of another fine looking guy taking a selfie. So when she came crying to me about man, I asked her about the men in the DP. After being puzzled, she let me know that they were her blood brothers and brought out evidence to show. I just went “Phew!” at the several men she had lost.

Signals you transmit when you are seen

so you want to marry 2

Some women desperately looking for a man transmit signals that tell men to “back off I am taken” You want to marry, yet you unwittingly send off the wrong signal. Men look at women the way they look at traffic light so there must be green, Amber or red. Green means yes I am ready – come! Yellow means, you have to work a bit harder but try. Red means, my nail and hammer are here. When I finish with telling you no, you wouldn’t have the confidence to ask another woman out.

Simple things matter:- wearing a ring on the wrong finger; holy-holy attitude; stuck up attitude; I Too Know; Senior mama attitude; “too big for you boys” attitude; “are you a millionaire?” attitude; “can you feed me?” attitude; I am not your level attitude; I am your new senior sister attitude; chief advisor attitude; you would be marrying your mother if you marry me attitude. Sister, shey you want to marry? Ok now, continue!

Do a simple test on how available are you across the several aspects we just discussed. Let me know the results.

I would deal with these aspects of availability in more detail next week and we will discuss how to turn them round and use them to your favor.

SO you want to marry? Cheers and happy hunting.

Ross T.

 

102 COMMENTS

  1. Nice write up. Ross pls I have been in a relationship for some tym nw, the guy is ready and willing to marry me, but we don’t share same religious background. None of us is willing to compromise his or her faith. I really need advice

    • Hi Anonymous,

      This is quite tough.
      Marriage on its own is a tough one. The lesser the baggage you carry into it, the better the chances of its surviving. From your write-up, you can already sense danger in the air.

      Religious differences have the potential of blowing up in both your faces and creating subtle but serious issues.

      My take on this is that if you both can’t work out your religious differences I would advise you walk away from the relationship now.

      Thanks

    • Where non of the parties aren’t willing to compromise,there’ll be conflict. Issues of faith cum religious beliefs are very delicate. I’d recommend @LekeAlder’s post on jacknjillive.com. Search for the letter ‘does faith matter in a relationship?’

  2. I really had to put the feminist in me aside when I got to the part where you said some women crack jokes that women shouldn’t crack in public. Really? So there are gender based jokes now?

    Anyway, I agree with you that being lousy and classless is definitely a turn off for both men and women.

    By the way Ross, are you available? Just curious. *winks*

  3. Comment:Rose my guy visted my family, few days later he lost his mum. Since d incident I do d calling, 2 weeks later I complained he took it lightly nd since den he has not called. Please I need your. advise

    • Hi Rose,

      Give him time to come around.
      Like you said, he lost his mum after they came seeing your family. He could be grieving and also could be caught up in the preparations for the burial.

      My advice is to go visit him and you guys speak about it. He needs your support at this time.

      Thanks

      • Comment: you are making excuses for him. if he is truly grieving, she is the one person he would confide in for comfort. he’s lost interest in the relationship, in this case, whose fault is it?

        • Hi Sara,

          The lose of a parent can be quite traumatic. People respond in several ways.

          If she truly wants to be his support, she should go to him.

          Ross

  4. Comment: Good morning. i think i have this ‘don’t bother me’ attitude. How do i handle this man that loves and wants to marry me bt doesn’t care about ma needs…even when he knows that i’m the hustling type( though a graduate). Even if i end up getting what i ask him for,he doesn’t care to ask ‘if you were able to get it’…as in to show concern. Though he doesn’t have a job bt has a lil bussiness. I’m just not sure he can take care of me,not cause he’s broke but his weak attitude towards giving and atleast asking of how i’m coping. He only knows how to flaunt me…so i keep wondering who will be taking care of me for him if we finally settle down. I’ve talked to him but he said i don’t understand him and i’m already unhappy with the relationship and his care free attitude…though i love him(but not crazy over him cause little things turns me off)

    • Hi,

      I don’t think you are ready to marry yet.
      If you do marry with the attitude you are bringing into the relationship , you would both be miserably unhappy or the marriage wouldn’t last.

      Marriage is a compromise. You can’t always have your way. You would need to deal with some unhealthy attitudes that you have taken for granted. For example “little things turn me off”

      Also, you need to also think of what you are contributing to the relationship and marriage. It shouldn’t be about who would be taking care of you. You would need to move from being a taker to a sharer. People no longer marry liabilities. They marry a lady who would be an asset to the relationship

      Warm regards

      Ross P.

      • This is where I disagree with you. If the relationship is serious, the guy should care about how the lady was able to get what she asked for but he was unable to give. His inability isn’t the issue because Iam thinking its temporal. But from his attitude, he doesn’t care.. This is where his leadership and sense of responsibility comes in… He just might be in search of a lady who will single handedly take over responsibility of the home. In all aspects not only financial.And guys also are now looking for the money spinner for a wife. I mean, you aren’t asking how I get certain things you are either not serious or I may one day prostitute to take care of things in the house.

      • u cant be serz, dere is no man that loves a wman with out caring for her, u can give wit out loving but u cant love wit out giving..if a guy cant take care of u wen he has little or wen u arent married then its obvious he wouldnt take care of u wen its d other way round

      • I strongly disagree wit u, u can give wi out loving but u cant love with out giving any man dat cant take care of u wen he has notin or wen in a relationship would do same wen he has smethng or wen he marries u..no matter how little u ve ur spouse shld benefit frm it its a sgn of love n respect

    • ther r somthings dat men dont know is wrong or bad to ladies. As a lady if u love ur man u wil tel him about those things dat he is not doing nicely to u and he can learn. when it coms to relationships, men are like babies learn how to do thinks , u ve to help me in most areas dat he is not bold enough to speack, or act, or notice even u n some oda areas. but b careful not to do it as if u r controlling him or in charge, do it in a loving manner dat wil stil make him feel he is in control of d ship n u wil found dat he wil begin to learn n do those tins u wish he do dat wil make u hapi

  5. I’m in a r\ship and we’re planning marriage although its a little slow like we’ve not yet gone officially to our parents cos we want to some things in place, but when i go out most times i get advances from men about marriage, although i end up telling them i’m already with some1. Do i need to make myself available?

    • Hi,

      If you are planning marriage, why do you need to make yourself available.

      Also where you haven’t officially informed your parents, it is not yet in planning stage. It is in exploration stage.

      Warm regards

  6. Hello Ross T., I think am only guilty of not wanting to share my space, I don’t like noise or crowd so I hardly go out, but even so, I go to church and participate in some activities in church. I am alsob social even in my office but am very classy in my attitude. I know I can be on my own most times but am a gud gal. I have done everything humanly possible to get married but the men I love enough to marry usually disappoints. Am 35 already and still single, it wasn’t part of my dreams to be this old still single, I didn’t see it coming, its a big worry to me so much that sometimes out of anger I decide its best to forget about marriage What should I do?
    Ms. L

  7. Comment: I love your write up. I was in a relationship that was very promising but turned absolutely sour a year ago and I finally broke off the relationship in May this year. My ex fiancé was having an affair with his neighbour who happens to be a widow and this widow threatened my life on several occasions. He always denied any affairs with this widow who is a mother of two. I was so hurt by his betrayal, he always had excuses for being at her house even in the wee hours of the night. When her constant threats to my life via calls and text messages became more than I could take, I told my “ex’s” mum. She was against her son’s relationship with the said woman yet nothing she said to her son seemed to be working. To cut the rest of the story short, I broke up with him 2 months ago and the main reason is because I can’t marry and share my husband with another woman. My friends think that I let the woman win but I don’t think so. Ross, I was available, I gave him a listening ear, I advised him, I prayed for him and gave him my support, I stood by him when he made the decision to quit smoking especially because of his health. Tell me Ross, where did I go wrong? He gave me what ever I needed but I wasn’t happy for long, I held my heart in my hand for two years and 5 months. We always argued because of that same woman for two whole years. Did I do wrong by letting go? I feel much better because I’ve graduated from the University and moved back to Lagos. Is it too early to go out and make new friends?

    • Hi Anu,

      You did the absolutely right thing.
      A relationship started on deceit and lack of trust would not only crumble eventually but would leave partners scarred.

      I would advise you take out time and add some more value to your life before dating seeing that you just finished school.

      Have fun and discover more of who you are. There are residual effects of this relationship you never knew stuck on you. Don’t take them into another relationship.

      Warm regards

      Ross

      • Am a Virgin at 30+ and believe me it hasn’t looked like I gained anymore pride as a matter of Fact it looks like it ‘scare them all away like I might have serious female health issues….. And no not one Has complained abt ma Character but has always openly Applauded me even to mothers and family members…… But am still single…. As a matter of Fact loneliness brought me in here looking for how to distract myself

  8. Hi davina.
    I am currently in a relationship where boo doesnt call at all. I have complained about this severally to no avail. He communicates on social media but that is not consistent also coz of unstable network. I asked him what is the purpose of the relationship, i got a vague answer “so that we can get used to each other for life”. Its a long distance relationship and am getting tired of the no communication and undefined purpose of being together. It wasnt like ds in d beginning but since the issue of money came up (i loaned him some money which he hasnt been able to pay back) he has been giving excuse that he is no longer free with me. Pls wat do i do, coz am tired already. Am not d kinda gal that ask for money, all i need to attention and constant communication. Thanks

    • Hi,

      you stated that this all started after he couldn’t pay back money he loaned from you. He said it introduced some friction between the both of you.

      Call him and speak about the money headlong. Reassure him that it is okay and where possible work out a payment plan convenient to him. Stand with him and see how the money can be paid back without putting him under pressure.

      I think also you guys need to properly define the relationship and what the end plans would be. Don’t leave things hanging

      Warm regards.

      Ross

  9. Is a single mother a crime?….having a daughter before…is it a crime? Just one..nt two….and now…my thinking is ending up as a single mother…and forget about marriage…bcos im totally fed up…believe me..im still 80% perfect in my relationship…those that loves me…i dnt love them…i sincerely dnt knw wat to do…should i even forget abt any thing called marriage nd make my money and take care of my 5years daughter? Or wat…pls i cherish marriage …i want to have a man i will be proud to call my man every wia…i want to be with jt one ….i dnt want to be datin arnd bcos i need husband…i dnt knw wat to do…pls advice….

    • Hi Sealed,

      No. Having a daughter is not a crime.
      You must realize thing that in the society we live in, it does bring about complications.

      Having said that, there are lots of men who don’t mind and who would take you and your daughter on as his and create you a loving home.

      I advise you read through the articles with an open heart. I am sure you would learn a lot. Start from article 1 all through to the end.

      Warm regards.

      Ross

  10. Hi,
    Thanks for the write up. Can you explain further in “holy holy and stuck up attitude”? Though unintentional, I think I come across as these. What’s the way forward?

    • Hi,

      These are Nigerian expressions for people who behave too sanctimoniously. They are too quick to point out faults and shortcomings in others without regard to their own personal shortcomings.

      They can’t be corrected thinking they have the perfect answer for all situations. They also never do wrong in their own eyes.

      The cure is to learn to look at things from several perspectives. Start by realizing that there can actually be more than one answer to every question. It depends on the angle.

      Learn to consider people’s perspectives and what drives them to act. Don’t be too quick to judge

      Thanks

  11. Thanks for the post. Pls what do you mean by “holy holy and stuck up attitude”. I think I unintentionally come across as these. Pls what’s the way forward…

  12. Comment:hi
    I do follow your write ups & I feel inspired. I ex was a nice guy, we do communicate and hang out occasionally but 2 reasons made the relationship to crash………
    1) he doesn’t know how to plan in terms of financial spending. he can have a huge cash now and the next minute he is broke. I wasn’t born into a rich home thus I know how to plan & manage but each time we talk about this issue, he would apologize but the next minute he is into it again.

    2) ever since we started dating there has been a drastic reduction in my spiritual life, I do force him to pray ist thing in the morning or dress up to leave for church service. if I ask him he will tell me he prayed in his heart. am not a saint but the kind of man I need is one to boost my spiritual life.
    pls was I wrong walking away from the relationship b/c ever since then, my spiritual life has been restored and I have never for once regretted it???

    • Hi Joy,

      The issue of his financial standing is also linked to his spiritual life. A man who doesn’t have rule over his spirit would soon come to a fall.

      I believe you did the right thing by walking away. A man is the head of the home and he is to exercise spiritual authority over the home and spouse. Where you don’t respect your future spouse spiritually, it is better not to start.

      Warm regards

      Ross

  13. Comment: nice write up, I’m in a relationship for a while now, we both love each other and we are planning to marry each other but his parents are the only obstacle we have. presently they don’t want us to marry each other just because we are from different culture, see which we see as nothing . what could you say to that?

    • Hi,

      ultimately, the choice would be up to you both eventually.
      You both would need to live out whatever life you choose.

      My advice is to take out time to talk the parents into it. Find sympathetic members of the families to go talk to them as well. Take out time to assuage their fears.

      If you have waited a reasonable time and they still haven’t come around, i suggest you both go ahead and marry.

      Warm regards

      Ross

  14. Comment:
    Nice post dearie

    I have only seen part
    1 and part 2(ie availability, adaptability and desirability). Cant see the
    next.
    Will be grateful if am made to see the next

  15. Comment:hi admin, dis Tunde frm ibadan. I almost do my wedding a month ago but was crashed on the issue of going to registery,but which my parents opposed even including my religion.though we both practice d same religion.

  16. Comment: I really need your counsel
    I’m 28yrs old . I’m in a serious relationship of over a year. My fiance recently made a confession to me about his educational qualification. Initially, he told me he was a graduate and that he also had a child while in school. I confronted him with my suspicion of him and so he confessed to me that his dad refused to sponsor his education because he got a lady pregnant. He told me that he never had wanted a serious relationship , that it was almost a year of our dating that he found out that I’m actually the type of lady he wants.
    Also, his income is just meagre. My parents really want us to get married soonest

    My fear is how do we cope if we eventually get married? I don’t even know if I should tell my parent about is educational status

    I must indicate here that I’m SS and a self employed graduate. I love him and he has also been so supportive.

    • Hi,

      The beauty of it all is that he confessed before he married you.

      1. Encourage him to go finish university
      2. If it is really necessary, go talk to your parents about his confession and win them around.
      3. What does he do? You might need to work with him to increase the income

      I hope I helped.

      Ross

  17. hi,my own problem is that I met diff men.my uncle tells me DAT wen my mother is at my age she has 2kids.I wan to marry too but thing is DAT wen I have men in my life its perfect for a moment d moment d realise DAT I don’t parent n didn’t finished skol they back out.d last guy I dated by 3years backout because frnz told him is challenging if u marry her to tomorrow u break down she don’t have parents to support u.is not my doing not I don’t have parent but I try my best to keep body n try to survived wit my hands.tnx

    • Ann,

      It would work out for you in Jesus name. God has arranged for you to experience a turn around in your life. Favor has gone ahead of you to arrange things for you.

      Try go back to school. It would improve you greatly and expose you to people with a more open mind.

      Warm regards

      Ross

  18. Hello Ross T
    What an explosive writeup!
    Am really moved! Please, can I’ve some moments to bear my mind to you like in a counseling session?
    Please, it urgent!
    #SOS #HurtingHeart #

  19. Hello Davina..I luv ur write ups
    I and my bf have been together for 10yrs now with 3 break ups in between. I’m 25 and he’s 27, I’m still a virgin..he has been so understanding. But since dis year he has begin to pressure me on sex…says he’s tired and tempted by oda girls who wants to hook up wit him..we tell each oda everything… He doesn’t HV a stable job DAT can take care of me though..I’m a graduate and we are of separate religions and neither of us wants to contradict our faith…dis was d reason 4 d break ups thrice in d past…I did d breakups and he always comes back telling me ..”wen we get to the bridge we ll cross it”… My parents are now pressuring me to get married or in a rship cuz dey don’t know I HV a bf…I luv him and he luvs me…recently HV been trying to break up but I can’t …I’m looking for his flaws to leave him (like he has never bought me a birthday present n I do, he has too much of females fed who wldn’t let him be) of which he confessed of being tempted to HV sex wit one last year wen she came to his house crying about a problem… …I wz confused yesterday DAT I didn’t know wen I promised him we ll soon HV sex..I so much luv him…

    • Hi,

      I wouldn’t advice you have sex with him solely because you want to keep the relationship.

      A life partner should respect your desires and wishes and work with you towards keeping them.

      I believe he should respect you for your steadfastness in not wanting to have sex before marriage and should work with you to achieve this.

      He should stop blackmailing you with his talk of his female friends.

      If you say you have been in a relationship for 10years and your parents are not aware, then there is something not right.

      From my calculation, you should have been 15 years old at the time of this relationship. I truly wonder how much knowledge a 15 year old would have to make the right choices.

      At 25, you would need to start making the right decisions. If your love for someone drives you into a wrong decision / or makes you do something against your desire with the support of the other party, then that can’t be love.

      Br
      Ross

  20. Hi. I love this. I am in a relationship with a guy who hardly communicate. We are too distance from each other via Location bt he finds it hard to call, he said it himself that his nt good at calling and is killing me. I av told him several time abt it infact our only quarrel is this yet he those not make effort. I dnt work bt i call more than him that works. I dnt ask him for money either, we are 8month in this affair but have quarrel more than enough, am gettn weak and tired. Pls help

    • Hi,

      Have you considered that if you get a job you might not have as much time on your hands as you now have?

      Maybe he is quite busy on his job and doesn’t have as much time as you have to make these calls.

      Warm regards

      Ross

  21. Love this write-up but how can I get that perfect man I desire? I’m in a relationship but my partner doesn’t care about me, I wanted to put an end to it but he begged me not to do so, I never owe my partner 5kobo till we started our relationship, he is stingy, pls advise me on what to do cos I’m fed-up.

  22. Hi Davina, I have dis guy that doesn’t care about me, communication n distance is d barrier, we started relationship when I was 23yrs old n I’m now 26 although he trusted me but he is very hard in giving. He is AS n I’m AS genotype too, n kept on promising dat there won’t be problem. Pls rose T wat should I do?

    • Hi Temidayo,

      If you believe he doesn’t care about you, why are you still in the relationship ?

      Maybe distance might be the problem concerning the communication issues.

      If you are still willing to continue, meet a doctor and get good counseling on the future you could face with an SS child since you are both carriers.

      Warm regards

      Ross

  23. Comment: what do u advice for women who posses all the good qualities you’ve written on, yet are not married. I know ladies like that.

  24. Hi Davina,I really need ur advice.I have been in a relationship for 5years now,I really love my bf,but the problem is just that he is a Christian and my family frowns at my decision,I just met a new Muslim guy like 2 months now,my siblings really like this new guy,but I don’t feel anything for the new guy,am really confused,my first lover has been pestering me concerning when he should come and introduce himself to my parents since I will be graduating next month.

    • Hi,

      Allow him to come introduce himself to your parents.
      After that, you can then take the next step.

      They haven’t driven him away yet have they?

      Warm regards
      Ross

  25. I enjoyed ur write up n they are infact too true, I hv all dat it takes cos I am well trained and I know my worth, I am not saying it to boast but they are just d fact but am still single, my problem is I grew up keeping myself dat is my pride as a woman, I started seeing suitors when I was in primary six n I still see them though I wasn’t marriage conscious cos it was not my primary aim in life, so when I was ready for it, I noticed dat d men dat I gv chance in my life always want sex as a proof of my love, some pregnancy before they can marry me n I hv been refusing them all, at a time I gave in to romance only but no, it is always all about sex n dis hv kept me till now am 32 n confused, did I do something wrong keeping myself? y is it dat our men no longer value or respect people like us, if it is easy for me If not dat it is a vow, i would hv given it out since it is bringing me pain instead of joy, plz wat do I do?

    • Hi Ammy,

      Please read through to the end of this articles.
      There are about than 15 articles in all.

      They might not help everyone but they would sure help many.

      Already, we have gotten some good responses and a wedding invitation.

      Warm regards
      Ross

  26. Comment:l like ur write up.
    There was a guy i met 2yrs ago who happens to be a banker,he asked me out but it took me 9 months before i agree to him so we started dating,but d problem i have with him is he never call,send text or even ask about ur wellbeing and even if i call or send text he will not pick non call back so i get pissed off and forget about him so i later discovered him as a guy that flirts around so many ladies codedly and he love saying there are so many ladies that want him out there.After so months he sent a text to me that i just later his side,so i gave out my complain which he denied but with persuasion i forgive him,he did same thing again i forgive him,now this is the third time he claimed he love me which i don’t knw if he does,why is so painful was we have had something in common and i love him so much.What do you think i can do because am 32 this yr.And again all the guidelines you gave have always follow them but have never see changes.Am running out of patients.

  27. Comment: Pls advice me, I’m into a r/ship going to a yr, I’m 36yrs n he’s 42yrs at initial stage, he do call me n i call as well but it got to a stage, he stop the calling n chat with me once in a while on whatsapp n when I complain he said “are we not communicate tru d media” doo is a distance r/ship n each time we opportune to see he will like to make love, there was a day he got to my place n i decided to ask him few questions concerning d r/ship (did he love me? he said “he doesn’t love, he had love during her secondary schl days” 2. I asked him when is he intend to settle down n he said” Y should i be asking him such question that is not part of his plan”) since then I reduced my calling, codedly set my mind off him even when i call to be romantic on phone he will tell me he’s not in the mood, so in a while i hi him on whatsapp n he reply later but he never hesitate to tell me some of his plan, movement even his family issues. at times he will not tell me of his coming doo he doesn’t stay with me cos he has apartment somewhere in the town. recently he called early in d morning to find out Y I’ve not been calling him n i said since he preferred media to calling, then he chilled. There is someone i met 4months ago, who is sending a marriage proposal, doo he was my course mate yrs back. is likely we see one on one dis week. Pls should i move on with dis second guy or i should hold on to the first guy.

  28. Dear Davina I love your write ups I think am your biggest fan, weldone ma. I’m in a relationship with this dude for 3 yrs his excuse of not seeing my parent makes me angry so I broke up with him. I told him If he’s not serious I want to marry, he’s an introvert thats what makes me annoyed. I have another guy whom I left thinking then. Y boyfriend will marry me, we didn’t broke up we just went quietly after he realized that am in a serious relationship I have been trying to ignite the relationship but nothing is working. He sent lite chat, he dosent want to be free with me even when I confronted him and told him I want us to work this relationship out he just say OK but he’s cold with me, so I stop chatting with him and answering his calls. I feel he’s punishing me for leaving him and he refuse to let me in, he refuse to talk to me or give us a chance he’s just there. What do I do? He’s a nice guy.

  29. Nice write and so inspiring. There’s this new saying that it’s in the ladies hand to make a relationship work in every aspect. How true is this?

  30. Comment: helo ma I love ur write up. Am a girl of 31 years and I ve no man in my life. D ones dat ve bin coming are all after sex, if I refuse, they all tend to go away. There is dis Particular one dat is coming around now, he is still after sEx but am afraid to tell no, because I feel no one will come again. Does dat mean I send off sex signals????

  31. On the issue of availability, personally I back off guys I don’t want around me not even as friends, I don’t know if I am doing the right thing? And this is because I believe they don’t share the same values with me! I know the man I want when I see him, buh should I still hold on to all others who come around me? I need guidance

  32. Pls I’m 32 yrs old,im in a relationship of three months nw in which I love the guy so much, he just quit from his work because of non payment of their months salary before I met him,he relocated to the city I’m based, I gave him the support I was capable of to get his balance in terms of job and accommodation Actually,he is so fond of me and we engage in sexual activity. My challenge Is that , I dnt know if he wants to marry me as he claimed to be, he told me one day of a gal his aunt introduced to him,that the gal started sending him pictures of herself, when his bro came he introduced me as the person that is feeding him, then when I asked of the money he is owing me,he started complaining that I dont exercise patience. He started putting up ill attitude towards me, when he had money he cud not share with me but he expected me to borrow him money. I’m not happy about the relationship again but I realised I still love him ready to overlook,for things to work btw us

  33. Hell rose, just seeing your write up, most guys i meet we dont resonate, nd i dont feel a thing for them, the one that we resonate we dont share the same belief, i need u to hlp me.

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