I am sitting in a hall at a five star hotel watching a spectacular ceremony. It is a vow renewal event for a group of people who have been married for varying number of years. I am smiling as I listen to the stuff they are saying about themselves and how good their marriage has become in the past few weeks since they signed up for the counseling session that ends today.
The marriage institution is a funny one. Oh, by the way, why is it called an institution? You get a certificate but you never graduate. You face the tests without taking any lectures and a lot of times you start out with a friend and end up with an enemy!
So, I’m wondering is there anything one needs to do to be sure the marriage journey is smooth and without mega, issues?
How do you know if the person you are in the relationship with is the right one? A friend once remarked, that it is after you marry that you meet the person you should have married. Hmm? So where was this person all along and what to do with the one you have married?
Hold on my friend. It is a mirage. An illusion so to speak. The person who looks to you like the ideal spouse does not exist. If you don’t believe me ask those who have been married several times and still failed. Marriage works when the people in the marriage work it, and it fails when one or both refused to do what’s needed to make it work.
Like they say, the grass is greener where it’s watered. I know a large number of younger ladies who claim that older men treat ladies better, and I’m really tempted to laugh at their ignorance. The reason those older guys seem to know how to treat a lady right is because they’ve learned the hard way from treating their wives wrongly and learning from their mistakes. In essence, what you are seeing most of the time is the result of someone’s hard work. If you ask the wives of such men, they would likely tell you the horror stories of what they went through as younger wives and in a lot of cases what they are still going through but have chosen to tolerate.
So you see a man who always smells nice? His wife is either buying his perfumes or is reminding him to spray something. He dresses just the way you like? Check properly, Madam picks all his clothes and ensures they are well-combined to make him look sharp. How do you think he got so good at picking the right gifts that would appeal to a woman like you? It is from years of being told which gift a woman would like! Not so long ago, this perfect gentleman was just a bumbling young man unsure of how to treat a woman like a lady.
Same is true for the man who feels his wife is sloppy. Wait till you see that your sexy-looking secretary at home; she’s tying her African wrapper and walking around the house with her beautiful hair in a scarf that has seen better days! Are you wondering why your wife isn’t svelte like your banker colleague? Well, have you considered that while your colleague earns the same salary as you and has no one but herself to care for, your wife’s take-home pay cannot take her home? Your colleague spends a fortune on gym membership and beauty treatments but your wife has to make do with whatever you give her for her upkeep? So you complain about your wife’s sagging breaths and flabby belly? Remember when she almost died giving birth to the twins?
The person you should have married does not exist outside. But the one you married can be everything and anything you want if you are willing to do the work required to bring out the best in that person. Of course I am not in anyway suggesting that there aren’t major issues affecting marriages and tearing families apart. I know there are. All I’m saying is that before you conclude that you married the wrong person and begin to eye the stranger you see outside, stop and think. Ask yourself, ‘what do I see in that stranger that I’m overlooking in my spouse?’