To get the most out of anything of value it usually takes a degree of hard work to get rewarding results and it’s the same with relationships. Relationship expert shares how to improve your relationship with your significant other.
The level of work depends on the willingness of each person to cooperate and make an effort. Too often I see couples embroiled in a power struggle, which means they work against each other.
It’s a common scenario, as each feels a need to maintain their independence and sense of self. You may feel your partner is taking advantage of you, or taking you for granted, and so you rebel and become stroppy and resentful. You don’t want the other person to control you, so you stand your ground.
This can result in stand-offs as each person protects their territory, whether physically or emotionally. That’s when the bickering and sniping start, especially if you haven’t talked openly about your feelings.
That can often mean allowing yourself to be vulnerable, putting your trust in another person, which can feel scary, as that means giving up a degree of control. The feelings that arise as a result you may feel anxious. This is especially true if it taps into unpleasant past events. Perhaps someone let you down in the past when you allowed your defences down, and you really don’t want that to happen again?
But by trusting in each other and allowing yourself to be vulnerable, you are allowing a better way. By having open discussions about the things that are bothering you, negotiating with each other, working as a team to find a solution that works for you both.
Of course, you won’t always get your own way every time. Life just isn’t like that, not just in relationships.
The alternative is all-out war, with each person doing their own thing, being completely selfish and stubborn, like a stroppy adolescent, and I’m sure many of you know how much hard work that can be!
You can either work together as a team, having fun along the way or work against each other, causing stress and disharmony every step of the way. So, the choice is really up to you.
3 important ingredients for a healthy relationship
- Commitment – being committed to making the relationship work and doing whatever it takes.
- Caring – for each other and doing the best for the other. Remember that you get out of a relationship what you put in.
- Communication – Being able to talk honestly and openly about issues as they occur. As well as being prepared to hear the other’s point of view, even when you don’t agree.