Widowhood Chronicles 25: Amanda, He Was A Very Harsh And Hard Man

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Widowhood Chronicles 25: Amanda, He Was A Very Harsh And Hard Man

My widowhood story goes like this. I’m Amanda and I’m from one of the eastern states. My husband and I had been married for twenty years before he passed on from a heart attack.

We met through mutual friends. When we started dating, I never thought I would settle with him as he was very hot-tempered. He would get into a rage over any little argument. Even though he never hit me, it was already an abusive relationship and even though I loved him, I was also scared quite scared of him. He intimidated me as well.

Tochukwu was more educated and exposed than I was, even though I had my HND. Strangely, He was tender to me most times and never missed an opportunity to spoil me. My friends were of the opinion that I had married a good man. He was enterprising and even had a car which was a big deal back in those days.

We got married after two years of dating. Family and friends gathered to celebrate with us. I looked forward to marital bliss with my husband. He provided well for me and I must say I was comfortable. His business prospered as we lived together and with time, we had four children.

However, his temper only got worse. He screamed at me anytime he was pissed and he spoke roughly to me as well. I began to walk on eggshells around him; I could not air my opinions because I feared an outburst. When he had guests around he would talk down on me. I was miserable.

Divorce Story 62: Shirley, I Still Don’t Know What Happened

My children grew up into that hostile atmosphere. They feared their father but they kept me going. I began to stay back longer at work because I didn’t want to come home to my husband. The children would withdraw to their rooms at the sound of his car. I didn’t do anything or rather I didn’t know what to do. I just decided to stay and manage the situation as it was the cross I had chosen to carry.

To the outside world, here saw a beautiful woman enjoying her husband’s money. He replaced my car each time I had a new child so by the time I had my youngest child, I was using my fourth car. I had used about ten cars by the time he died. My children had all the latest gadgets and toys, they never lacked good clothing or food and they had trips abroad almost every year.

Tochukwu hardly played with his children, only barked orders at them. He even punished our oldest child when he took 10th position one term. He called his son names and even till now it affects his self-esteem. In talking with him, I realised that this was the way he had been raised and didn’t see anything wrong with it.

When our two oldest children gained admission to the higher institution they hardly ever came home as they seemed happier in school. I called them all the time and was glad they were happy there. I had my two youngest with me and I often used to wonder what would happen when they also left for university.

My Journey Into Widowhood

One day, I was informed that my husband suddenly slumped in his office. He had been angry about something and was shouting in his usual manner when he suddenly slumped. He was taken to the hospital but they confirmed him dead when they got to the hospital. He had suffered a heart attack.

I cried from my soul because I did love him but I also felt a kind of relief as well even though I now found myself in widowhood. None of my children mourned. They all kept straight faces during the funeral. I couldn’t imagine what went was going through their young minds.  Their father was gone but they looked comfortable.

He had widely left a will. He gave all his property to his children to share equally. He left me a lot of money which I used to continue business and also train my children. Tochukwu came from a home where they were all doing well and no one gave us any troubles.

I learnt a lesson from his death; Be kind, Be fair and be friends with your family because at the end of it all they are all you have.

I’m a grandmother now and I have had to talk to my children about their father. We have dealt with the hurt and anger and we have moved on.  Last year we had the tenth year remembrance and this time genuine tears were shed. Thank you for reading my widowhood story.

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