Hi T Ross, my name is Ronke, I’d be 32 years old by September. Here goes my widowhood story.
I was married to my husband Paul for almost ten years. He was just a hustler when we met in Lagos but I was willing to stand by him and hustle together. My hopes after our wedding was that we would become one and build a solid home and future for ourselves and kids.
The first year of our marriage went pretty well without a hitch, or maybe I just chose to ignore the issues back then. I had just rounded up my NYSC when we got married.
All my life, I had lived in Kogi state and didn’t know anywhere or anyone in Lagos before I met my hubby. As a matter of fact, it was the marriage that brought me to Lagos, so getting a job after our wedding was pretty much difficult but I kept searching.
Unhappiness In Marriage
It was well into the second year of our marriage that I began to notice my husband’s lack of care and concern for me. He never once asked how my job search went or made any attempt to help in that area. Anytime I asked him about his plans for me or for us, he would say that was not his business and that I could go do anything I wanted with myself.
At first, it seemed like a joke but when his lack of interest persisted, I became upset and bitter about it. I later decided to start an online sales business, just to take care of myself since my husband won’t take care of me. He never made any contribution to the business.
I was carrying all the burden alone, He never planned with me. When I asked him about his plans concerning anything, he would immediately reply me with “what’s your business with that”?. All he was concerned about was giving money for food.
Sadness and Depression
I couldn’t play with him or crack jokes around him. He was always so uptight, which wasn’t the case while we dated. In no time, it became clear that I wasn’t his priority. Whenever I tried to strike a conversation about a topic outside his interest, he will immediately tune off or cut me off by saying that I talked too much, I could never do anything right in his sight.
It got so bad that I would have to beg my husband before he would make love to me and it would only be during my ovulation period, any other time apart from that, he would ignore me. His reason was that marriage is for procreation, according to him and sex is not food that should be craved all the time.
Almost two years and I all I did was endure my marriage while my mates enjoyed theirs. The worst part of it is all was that whenever we had any misunderstanding, my husband would recount how he wasn’t ready for marriage, nagging that his family forced me on him and that he only married me out of pity. Then he would leave the house not to be seen till the next day.
His words and actions caused me depression.
Path To Widowhood
Heaven knows I loved Paul so much, which was why I agreed to marry him despite him not being financially stable but all I got was bitterness in the marriage. Imagine my husband who never gave me money for upkeep called me ugly several times and asked why I can’t look as good as my mates.
I’m only giving snippet details of what went down in my marriage before I delve into the crux of the matter. The sad thing was that despite Paul’s ill treatment towards me, I could never have wished him dead. He was the man I married and chose to spend the rest of my life with, for better and for worse. Until the day the cold hands of death took him away.
It was one terrible morning in the month of August. I was preparing to go make a delivery to a client when two plain-clothed policemen showed up in my home and requested that I followed them. They claimed they had my husband in their custody.
Meanwhile, Paul, my husband had stormed out of the house the previous day after we had a major quarrel. I was surprised to see that I had been driven to a morgue where the swollen body of my husband had been deposited. On seeing my husband, I was delirious with grief and sadness.
What happened to him!? I kept asking the officers, they were reluctant to tell me at first, but later did when my husband’s family joined us.
Widowhood Pains, Paul Had A Mistress!!
Unknown to me, my husband had a mistress who he frequently visited, showered with care and attention. They had been together before he even married me and continued their affair at the expense of my marital happiness.
So my husband who denied me of everything that could make me happy had a lover and was planning to relocate to Canada with this lady? I couldn’t believe the same husband who always complained of not being paid at work had been planning how to leave this country without me or even telling me.
Unfortunately for him and his mistress, luck ran out on them when his mistress’s over jealous boyfriend whom she constantly extorted found out about her plans to travel without telling him.
Jealous, Boyfriend, Maagun and Widowhood
He did his findings and also got wind of her affair with my husband which led to a confrontation and a threat from the guy to my husband. According to reports, the boyfriend had said my husband will kiss the dust if he doesn’t desist from his girl. But they thought jealous boyfriend was bluffing and continued their affair.
Unknown to them, the guy had resorted to juju in order to deal with his cheating girlfriend. He got her laced her with a deadly charm called maagun in Yoruba. Now, maagun works during sexual intercourse. Once a woman meets with her lover whom the charm was intended for, he tends to die a disgraceful death.
My unsuspecting husband and his mistress, totally unaware of what the mistress’s jealous lover had done were having a nice time in a hotel. Suddenly, He started jerking and his stomach started swelling. The mistress called out for help and he was quickly rushed to the hospital but gave up the ghost on the way there.
Based on suspicion, my husband’s mistress was detained and questioned, which led to the arrest of her boyfriend who confessed to his crime after being tortured by the police.
Widowhood at a Young Age, Plight of A widow
That was how I lost my husband to the consequence of his infidelity and became a widow. Where do I start? Being widowed at such a young age? Mourning him was pretty bizarre because I was sad, angry and bitter all at the same time.
As for the lady and her jealous lover, I left them in the hands of God and the law. It has been two years now and I haven’t still gotten over the shock and blow which deception and death dealt me.
This is my widowhood story. It has been tough being a widow or even adjusting to widowhood. I guess with time, it would get better. I was encouraged to share my widowhood story on the grounds that it would give me closure and make me feel better. And yes I did feel better wrting it. Thanks for the platform to share.
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