Hello Ross, My name is Fred. My widowhood story is all about how I lost my wife. It also shows how I have coped in my new widowhood staus. Thanks so much for all you do. I am a regular reader of your site.
My story begins when I met my wife, Gladys. I am a trained medical doctor who has worked with NGOs all over the world and also within Nigeria. My work involved travelling to remote villages that lacked proper medical facilities. I could stay in those locations for months at a stretch.
I worked with so many research teams as well. It kept me very busy but I loved what I did and still do. In one of these trips, I went to Jos to work in sickle cell awareness campaign. That was where I met Gladys for the first time.
Gladys was the spokesperson for the team. She was born with sickle cell anaemia but had survived her childhood and now had grown into adulthood. Gladys was a graduate of psychology who took up the advocacy for sickle cell awareness in her home town.
I later got to learn that she had three siblings but had lost one to sickle cell complications. The other surviving sibling was AS. Her father had passed on years before we met and she lived with her mother.
I noticed her right after she gave a talk about managing sickle cell at an event we sponsored. She was smallish with a soft voice to match her physique. I was drawn to her almost immediately. For a long time, I had not been involved in any relationship. I guess moving around didn’t help matters.
Love at first sight?
I looked for an opportunity to woo her but she didn’t seem to want it. So I persisted and finally, she opened up to me. I found out that she had been through a lot of disappointments in her life because of her condition. She had even cancelled the thought of ever getting married.
After hearing her out, I made up my mind to change that story. I still travelled a lot but made sure I kept in touch with her. I grew fond of her and I admit I spoiled her with gifts. Eventually, I won her over and proposed to her. I guess she was relieved because She was in tears as she said yes.
We got married two years after our first meeting. She was my gossip partner and best buddy. Initially, she hesitated over having children but I assured her I was fine with or without. My own genotype was AA. At this point, I was so happy and fulfilled. I had no inkling that widowhood would soon come knocking on my door.
Gladys found she was pregnant after three years of marriage. We had mixed feelings because we had not been trying for a child. Because of her history, we went to see a gynaecologist over the pregnancy. We were assured that she could carry a child full term without complications.
The gynaecologist, however, recommended a cesarean section a week before her due date. This was exciting news for us because we had feared for her health. I happily bought baby items in preparation. Those were my happiest days. Thoughts of widowhood never crossed my mind. Why should they?
My joy was short-lived when my wife went into labour two weeks early. I wasn’t even home when it occurred. It was the neighbours that rushed her to the hospital. They tried to prep her for an operation but due to the suddenness of the arrival, several key persons were not on ground.
By the time I got to the hospital, our baby had died and my wife was unconscious. I cried and cried; I forgot my medical training and sat on the floor. They did all they could to revive her but she didn’t make it. My wife and friend was gone. It suddenly hit me that I had been admitted into the widowhood club.
After she was buried, I plunged myself into work. Her mother later died in pain of losing her child. I’m still in touch with her only surviving sibling. As it is, I have taken him in as my own brother and part of my family.
I’m still hurting though it’s nearly three years now. Widowhood isn’t funny. It is as if something in you has left.
I am finally in a relationship and may likely get married by December. Losing one’s spouse is not hurtful to only one gender, men feel it too. Thanks for reading my widowhood story. Writing my story, helped ease some of the pain.
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Quite painful but what else could he do? May the soul of his departed wife rest in peace, Amen.
My key advice to widows and widowers is to move on. Find a reason to move on and do. Get involved in something that would allow you to be alive again. Grieving is a process. Allow it to work its full course. There is an ideal time to start a new relationship.
That time isn’t the same for everyone. Starting a relationship too early could be a disaster as you would just dump all your grief on the person. Take your time and find what works for you.
If you have a story to share, please reach me via firstname.lastname@example.org