Widowhood tales 41: Samson, My Recklessness Killed Her

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Widowhood, widows, widow, drunkeness

Hello readers, I’m Samson from Kogi state and this is my widowhood story. It’s a story that breaks me each time I tell it. The experience made me a different person and by God’s grace, I have forgiven myself.

Tessie

My wife was a sweet person. Tessie was calm and responsible, I, on the other hand, was rather reckless. I drank a lot and partied often.

My wife and I were not Christians when we met but a few years into our marriage she got saved. I enjoyed going out with her even after two children. This changed because as soon as she got committed in a church, things slowed down. She was no longer interested in hanging out in some places so I began to go there solo.

Her wifely duties didn’t suffer; she just wasn’t as fun as she used to be or so I thought. She tried to win me over of course, but I wasn’t having all that religious stuff.

I refused to change

Well, soon I began to stray. I loved Tessie but I was just wild. I started seeing other women even to the point of sleeping out. As expected, my wife was hurt and she reported me to my family. I got scolded by my father and uncles; this made me angry with her.

I must admit after that I gave her a tough time at home. I ignored her a lot and still kept late nights. Tessie stayed on, praying for me and still carrying out her duties as a wife and mother.

Looking back, there are certain things I wish I could change. I still beat myself up to date as regards the last day she was alive. It started as a normal day with no idea that in a few hours, she would be gone. No idea at all that I would be firmly in the widowhood club.

Widowhood journey, the night I wish never was

I wish I had known on the day of her death that it would be the last. Truly,  I would have gladly given up my ways just to save her.

On that fateful day, I went out at night to hang out as usual. I got drunk and into a fight with a guest at the bar. So my friend called my wife to come and get me.  An hour later there she was, in her nightwear. I got angrier but along with other friends at the bar, she helped take me to the car. She strapped me in and went to take over the wheels.

I remember her thanking my friend as she drove out of the club. She cried and asked me how long I wanted to continue like this. I told her to shut up but she kept on talking. In my drunken state, I attempted to relieve her of the steering. As we battled for it, an oncoming truck rammed into us.

Widowhood and the experience

I lost consciousness. I found myself in a dark place and a strange creature was pulling me down. We were going fast but suddenly a light appeared and I found myself propelled upwards with force. I opened my eyes and found I was crying. I asked about my wife only to be told that she didn’t make it alive.

My world crumbled and I fainted. I didn’t fully recover until about two months later even though I didn’t sustain any major injury. On coming to my self, I dreamt about my wife till I was going crazy with depression. I wish I could turn back the hands of time.

When I had the strength, I sought her pastor and spoke to him about my experience while unconscious. The dark creature and the light that had propelled me. He told me it was clearly God reaching out to save me and invited me to get saved. I did so without hesitation because of Tessie and of course because God had saved my life.

The will to change.

Immediately, I stopped drinking and hanging out. Of course,  I lost some old friends in the process. Realising I was all my children had for now helped me live a sober life. My finances have greatly improved. God has been my rock and I cannot thank him enough. Widowhood has also helped in keeping me sober.

It has been some years now. My kids are all grown up and I have remained sober. Even though I have forgiven myself, I still look at that day with regret. I wish I could turn back the time but I also realise I must move on. Soon I plan to settle down with another Godly woman and this time I’ll be a better husband.

Thank you for reading my widowhood story. Please be kind to others. Think beyond yourself. Spend every last day with a loved one as if that is their last day on earth.

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