My name is Enkay and this is my widowhood story. I am a 39-year-old widow from Port Harcourt. I’ve only been a widow for two years.
I lost my husband in an auto accident. I have always found it easier to omit the circumstances surrounding his death. This was until I realized that accepting it was part of my healing process too. My husband was killed by a drunk driver while he was with another woman. It was like suffering two tragedies at the same time.
In that instant, everything in my life changed. I couldn’t believe anything from before that moment to be true. The man I shared my life with and the person the authorities were telling me about seemed like two different people.
William and marriage
I used to think Williams and I was the perfect couple. We never had any turbulence in our relationship and marriage. We loved and respected each other and we never gave any room for misunderstanding to fester.
Due to the nature of his job, my husband travelled a lot. This always gave me alone time, most of which I spent growing my importation business. Whenever he was home, we made sure it was all about us and nothing else. Our only concern in the marriage was the fact that we were trying to have kids. We had been trying for about four years.
Just before the accident, my husband had informed me of his plans to travel. We argued about the suddenness of this trip seeing he had only just arrived from another trip the day before. Williams insisted on travelling and I had no choice. I drove him to the airport the next day to take the flight to Abuja and I went back home.
Death, widowhood and the shock of my life!!
Five days later, I got a call from the police telling me to come to a hospital in another part of the town. On enquiring, I was told that it had to do with my husband. I was confused at the mention of Williams because I believed he was still in Abuja at that moment. Funny enough, we had spoken over the phone earlier in the day. During the call, he mentioned he won’t be home for another 2-3days.
‘How could my husband be in the hospital?’ I thought to myself as I made my way to the address given me by the Police. On getting there, I realized they weren’t lying. My husband was indeed there but lifeless. I listened with trembling limbs as they recounted how he died on the spot. The car he was in had been hit by a truck. Worse still, I was informed that there was another lady in the car with him. She too had died on the spot.
The shock was just about to get worse. While I was still grappling with the whole situation, The relations of the said lady appeared. Then I found out that not only was she in a relationship with my husband, she was also pregnant for him. I was confused and in a state of flux. Suddenly, the mother of the lady rushed at me accusing me of killing her daughter. That was the last I remembered before I passed out.
The horror of the deceit
As I write, I can still remember that horror-filled day and its lifelong imprints on me. I couldn’t cry, I was just stunned and confused. It was as though my entire life up to that moment was a lie. I felt separated from the world and even from my body.
What was even more devastating was that I couldn’t express my grief the way I wanted to. I felt judged and misunderstood. I was pained by my husband’s deceit, but couldn’t even express my pain. Some people from my husband’s larger family were speculating that I had a hand in his death. Thankfully, His parents and siblings knew me well enough and stood by me.
I felt detached from the world. Being in a room full of people socializing was awkward. When asked and I didn’t tell my whole widowhood story, I felt like a fraud. I just did not fit into anywhere anymore, it was like wearing a pair of shoes that were too tight.
Widowhood and healing…?
I tried seeing a psychiatrist but to no avail. The legacy of the drama surrounding my late husband’s death left a sour taste in my life. After 2 years of counselling and help, I seem to be moving in a better personal place. I have found it easier not to seek any activity that puts me in a situation to tell or explain his death. I am alone with sorrow that no one can understand.
The beginning was excruciatingly hard, it was more like pretty much operating in survival mode. But these days, I’m getting by and sharing my widowhood story has opened doors of healing for me. I am still healing though……
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