Widowhood Tales 44: Ruth, it comes without warning

Widowhood Tales 44: Ruth, it comes without warning

Hello, Davina diaries my name is Ruth and this is my widowhood story. I met my husband while in university. He was a corper working in the bursary office.


Luke was from a different tribe and was just getting to understand a bit of my language as he was serving in my state. I had only travelled out of my state twice in my entire life but Luke grew up in Lagos and visited his hometown irregularly.

When we talked, he gave me stories about the opportunities in Lagos and how he couldn’t wait to get back. By the time the year ended and he was leaving finally, we exchanged contacts. We had become very close and he told me he could work my service to Lagos.

We kept in touch basically through phone calls. When I graduated, I gave him a call to remind him of his promise. He was happy to oblige and that was how I got posted to Lagos. I already had a relative living in the city of Lagos so I just went there after camp.

Luke and I started dating properly during this period. I was always with him, especially at weekends. He had a good job and a decent apartment. He took me around town a lot. It was a bustling place but I came to love it.

Widowhood Tales 28: Divine, It Was The Morning After

End of NYSC, breakup and marriage

After my service year, it was time to either return home or try job hunting. My relatives expected me to leave after my program or get my own apartment. I was in a dilemma and it made me ask Luke the direction of our relationship. He hesitated a bit and so I moved back to the east.

A few months later he called begging me and assured me he loved me. Initially, my parents didn’t like the idea because they had heard things about men from his tribe. Eventually, they allowed us.

Luke showed he cared for me. He encouraged me to try my hands on so many things before I eventually found a job. We were blessed with twin boys and a girl.

Greedy in-laws

The major issue I had with Luke was his extended family. They always seemed to need assistance. It’s not like we were filthy rich or anything but over the years they drained us. After a while I saw that it wasn’t ending, so I began to put money aside little by little. My guts told me I would need it in years to come because of the way my husband was being disturbed for money constantly.

As our marriage clocked sixteen years, Luke came down with serious kidney problems which required dialysis. We went from hospital to hospital but the verdict was the same, we needed to do a transplant. I have never experienced such tough times. His family members didn’t even do much. I don’t want to throw blames but I wish I saw the same zeal as when they asked him for money.


For some reason, I wasn’t a match so we had to shop for a donor while trying to raise the money. It made me an emotional wreck. Luke couldn’t hang on any longer and he gave up the ghost one cold rainy night. That is how I found myself a widow. Widowhood came as a shock. Even though he was ill, I kept believing he would get better.

As I expected, his family came for everything we had worked for but I was smarter. We didn’t have much but I hid his cheque books and ATM cards. They picked few items and made outrageous demands but by Gods grace, I was able to scale through it all. The money I had been saving also came in very handy.

Widowhood hasn’t been easy but right now I’m focused on my children and their welfare. Women, it pays to be prepared even though it’s not what we wish for.

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